PLAYING GROWN-UP.

I don't really know anything about investing. I have a 403b - which is basically the teacher version of a 401k - but I don't know what it does, just that I contribute $500 a month to it and hope that it is somehow making me money. Neither of my parents were financially savvy so I didn't really learn anything from them. And as cozy as it is floating along on my raft of Denial, I know I should buck up and become a responsible adult.

Yesterday, two of my teacher friends and I went to an investment seminar for women called "Financially Fit Females!" The $20 registration fee included a motivational speech by Kendra Todd, winner of "The Apprentice 3"; your choice of two 90-minute sessions; and lunch. [Be sure to click on Kendra's link and check out the funky porno music]

It was pretty educational. The first session I went to was called, "Introduction to Investing." The speaker, a 50-something CPA, spent most of the time fussing with her laptop and trying to get the projector to work. She had created a PowerPoint presentation and done the same, annoyingly redundant thing as the speaker at the suicide prevention workshop I attended back in October.

This must be some new presentation trend. But what I don't get is why you would go to all the trouble of preparing a PP presentation when you're just going to give out a packet with of all same slides anyway? And what am I, the listener, supposed to be looking at? The screen or the packet?

I opted for neither and instead just looked at the presenter. And in my adolescent mind, I'd won. Nyah nyah.

In between the two sessions there was a nice catered lunch buffet. There was also a lame fashion show sponsored by Talbot's . All the models were these skinny, perky, executive wonderwomen. They had fabulous hair and fabulous teeth and seemingly boundless energy - like a little army of Kendra minions. It was a bit nauseating.

The last session I attended was called, "Pick Stocks Like Warren Buffett," and was presented by a frumpy older guy. He used an old-school overhead projector which remained out of focus for 90 minutes, but I have to say, he was a really good speaker. And although I am not quite yet ready to buy $75M in Berkshire-Hathaway, I enjoyed listening to him.

All in all, a Saturday well spent. I went home to take a look at my 403b paperwork... and I still don't understand any of it.

* * *

Last night I stayed at HIS place. We made a really nice dinner together and watched some "Six Feet Under." By 10:30, I was spent and went to bed. This morning HE informed me that as I was dozing off, we played a great game of Word Association. It went something like -

HIM: "Okay - 'January'."
Me: "..."
HIM: "Okay - 'Martin Luther King'."
Me: "..."
HIM: "Did you say 'ACLU?' Okay - "

And apparently we played this game (HE played this game) for about 15 minutes. I don't remember any of it. I do, however, remember getting up to go to the bathroom and coming back to find HIM laying on my side of the bed.

Me: "You're on my side."
HIM: "Yes, I'll always be on your side."
Me: "No. I mean move the hell over."

All this and more. And it's ALL MINE.