Wednesday, January 18, 2006


So today I turn 31 - at 8:01 AM.
31 is not a bad age to be. Feels a lot like 30, perhaps a little more enlightened. I didn't freak out when I turned 30. 29 was definitely worse for me, although I'm not exactly sure why. I don't think I've ever fallen victim to the "biological clock" bullshit. Maybe because I am pretty satisfied with my career & life at this point (yeah, yeah -- I know I live in my Mom's basement... shut up) - and I don't want kids, so I don't care if my eggs are drying up.

I actually feel very content in my life in all areas -- possibly for the first time ever.

It's interesting, the phases we go through. The teenage years where everything is so easy. You go off to college where life is just a great big party for 4 (or maybe 5) years. And then WHAM! you graduate. For me, that summer after college graduation was a huge turning point. All the innocence and fun I'd become accustomed to was suddenly snatched out from under me and I was left facing reality. Due to shove off to grad school up in the Great White North (Rochester, NY) - and the resulting fear and depression of being all alone for the first time. It was a really hard time, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world.

The next phase hit me when I returned home to join the working world. After the initial thrill wears off, you realize you're kind of at the end of some mysterious journey. All those years in college spent grooming and shaping for a career - and there you are. Mid-20's and completely disenchanted.

I went through a period of years where I didn't know what came next. I guess for most people, the logical thing is to find a mate, buy a house and begin to spawn. But it just didn't feel right for me. So I fought with myself - battling between trying to fit that mold and finally being okay with being single, rather than settling for a situation just to fill a void. Around 30, I finally became content just to be. And wouldn't you know? Life sure has a funny way of working itself out.

I haven't gushed much - perhaps I haven't wanted to jinx anything. But a couple weeks ago (literally) I met an incredible man. Somehow the planets aligned at the right moment. Somehow, someone somewhere knew that I had reached a level of OKAY within my self - perhaps the very moment when it clicked that I really liked me. And I met the someone who is in that very place within his self. And it's simply amazing. Because, for the first time, I am able to just be ME. And he likes that ME. And I really like him. And life is good.

"31 - The Year of Liking Life". So far, things have exceeded expectation.


Mike said...

Happy Birthday, Pensive Turtle. And don't worry. Blogs can't jinx a year.

Paige said...

I think its Great that you like youself. I think its better then Great that you have found what you were not looking for. Sending good wishes and happines to you

portuguesa nova said...

Happy birthday!!