This is one of those things I probably shouldn't share, but I feel compelled to, nonetheless.
*Ahem* Here goes ...
On weekdays, it is my habit to set my alarm clock for 5:21 AM. This way, I allot myself nine minutes of snooze time, and then I am up at 5:30. This morning when my alarm went off at 5:21, I realized that I reeeeeally had to pee. But I was determined to get my full 9 minutes of snooze. So as I lay there - enjoying the warmth of my bed while simultaneously fighting with my bladder - I turned my head and saw A GIANT FUCKING SPIDER on my pillow.
This was no Daddy-Long-Legs or little, brown ceiling spider. This was a miniature tarantula -- a 'hard' arachnid that wouldn't crush lightly in a Kleenex.
Suffice to say, the shock of finding it beside my head - in my semi-lucid state - led me to attempt to leap out of bed. But not before my way-too-full bladder failed me.
Just a little. But enough.
I didn't find the spider. I balled up my wet, insect-ridden sheets and carried them shamefully up to the laundry room. Luckily my Mom was already up to witness my ascent.
"Should I ask?" she said.
"Please don't", I replied.