The India euphoria has finally worn off and I've definitely returned to my old self. This is not a good thing. Today is the worst so far. I have zero motivation to do anything productive. It's cold and rainy out. I want to crawl into bed and not deal with the world.
This morning, right before I woke up, I heard a dream/thought voice telling me that yesterday was a complete waste of a day. And it was. And that sucks. I mean, I got up and did things: took a run; made it to work (though did no actual work); and wrote and mailed a letter to my friend in India. I went to Barnes & Noble and bought the new Jennifer Weiner book. I cooked dinner. Watched some mindless television. Went to bed.
But we only get a certain number of days, right? Shouldn't each day be a little more meaningful? Just yesterday we found out that one of the customers here lost his 16-year old daughter. She died from falling off a horse at her weekly riding session. How fucked up is that? She was completely healthy and normal and now she's gone. Why?
When I came home, I was so inspired to live a different life. I wanted to focus on community service and being a better person. Yet here I am again. Stuck in my routine and feeling the familiar brain fog rolling back in. Where did my fire go? Can it last? Did it ever even have a chance?