REMEMBERING WHY I TEACH

One of my sixth-grade students, Maddie, handed me a folded up piece of paper yesterday at the beginning of class.
"Don't read it now, okay?" she asked.
"Okay," I agreed, "I'll read it when I get home today."

* * *

A Thank-you for Ms. D

Band, oh band! It's so much fun!
At period 9 or up with the sun!
We chitter and chatter, but have fun a lot,
And we play every song, whether we like it or not!
And the fact that we play it will just go to show
That, because we like you, how far we will go!
Jazz Band's a blast, I really must say,
And the fact that we have to wake early each day
Doesn't bother me at all, no it doesn't, not me!
If I needed to, I would wake up at three!
I don't know if everyone else shares my view,
They'd might like to sleep another hour or two.
Period 9 Band is awesome as well
And it's all thanks to you that the bands sound so swell
So thank you so much for helping us play,
The instruments we (hopefully) practice every day!
For where is the ship if the captain's not there?
And won't a pilot-less plane soon be in despair?
Where would soccer teams be if the coach had the flu?
Where would our band be, if we didn't have you?

* * *

Priceless.

IN A WAY BETTER PLACE

Okay so ever since the concert ended, I have felt about 1,000 lbs. lighter. My soul feels good again. I feel relaxed, and at the same time very much alive.

I wish I got stressed like normal people. I used to, but somewhere along the way, my defense mechanisms changed. I used to get anxious and crazy and zoom around like a nut trying to perfect every little detail until the last possible moment. I'd be a ball of adrenalin.

These days, however, when I am under pressure I just shut down. I stop feeling - I go numb. I escape into my head and into weird thoughts and rituals. I guess it's better for my blood pressure, but I'm not sure I like the way I feel. It's a calm, but it's kind of like an "unnatural" calm. I wonder if it has anything to do with running? Maybe I am redirecting the adrenalin?

Anyway, so I feel pretty damn good. The concert went off without a hitch, and I had a wonderful long weekend: first at HIS graduation ceremony in Philly with HIM and HIS family, and then just the two of us headed down the shore. Friday was kind of rainy and cold. We spent most of the day in Ocean City, but drove up to Atlantic City in the evening. We had an amazing dinner at Cuba Libre in the Tropicana, and then spent about 45 minutes trying to find HIS car in the parking garage (damn you, mojitos!)

Back in Ocean City, we woke up Saturday morning to sunshine and decided to rent bicycles for a couple hours. We rode on the boardwalk and through town. We spent the day eating pizza, Boardwalk fries and Kohr Bros. custard. It was the epitome of self-indulgence and it was fucking great!

And this week has just been really good. I'm getting the kids geared up for our annual Memorial Day performance and spending hours working on the "End Of The Year Movie" (being I'm the Media Club Advisor and all.)

Looking forward to tomorrow's Friday Happy Hour - the first with the girls in a long time. I can already taste the margarita.

Mmmm...

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Jordin Sparks or America Ferrara? You decide.

BUTTERFLIES

Tonight may very well be my last Spring concert at the middle school level. It's kind of bittersweet. After today's 90-minute dress rehearsal with 80 kids in a 200-degree auditorium, I wanted to run screaming out the front doors and never look back. But now that I'm sitting here waiting for the actual event, I feel a little melancholy.

I went out for my pre-concert run. It's a ritual I have followed for a very long time. Today I ran in a torrential thunderstorm. Two people even pulled over to ask me if I wanted a ride home, but I declined, as running in the rain is an absolutely breathtaking experience. I'm not sure why, but it seems sort of primal... just me against the elements.

Tomorrow we're all going down to Philadelphia to HIS PhD hooding ceremony. HIS whole family is going and I'm so excited and proud of HIM and cannot wait to be there with all of them. Afterwards, HE and I are going to Ocean City for a couple days just to get away and spend some much needed time together.

I feel relaxed now. About to go upstairs and do my hair and whatnot. And about three hours from now, I guess I will kind of be a different person.

Huh.

YAY!! I GET TO TALK ABOUT ME!!

(Thanks Kate!)

A- Available or Single: Committed to HIM but always my own person.

B- Best Friend: TiVo.. hehe.

C- Cake or Pie: Cake... under a pile of ice cream.

D- Drink of Choice: Unsweetened iced tea with lemon.

E- Essential Items: Sneakers. Gum.

F- Favorite Color: Green.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms: Chocolate Twizzlers.

H- Hometown: SopranoLand.

I- Indulgence: Ice cream.

J- January or February: January - New beginnings. Also, my birthday :)

K- Kids: Should be banned.

L- Life is incomplete without: Coffee and the daily crossword.

M- Marriage Date: Um, I suppose it should be my fiance, right? Oh wait -- you mean the day?

N- Number of Siblings: 2 older brothers who made my childhood a living hell.

O- Oranges or Apples: Apples -- they're just easier.

P- Phobias/Fears: Disfiguring accidents of any sort.

Q- Favorite Quote: "The BRAVE may not live forever, but the CAUTIOUS do not live at all."

R- Reasons to smile: I am alive.

S- Season: Right now, SPRING!

T- Tag Three: Lisa, Mike & The Bard.

U- Unknown Fact About Me: I enjoy washing dishes.

V– Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he shouldn't have made them out of meat.

W- Worst Habits: Overanalyzing.

X– X-rays or Ultrasounds: Must I choose? They're both so much fun!

Y- Your Favorite Foods: Mesob. Oh, and maybe ice cream.

Z- Zodiac: Capricorn.

BA-DUM BUM.

I think it's safe to say that the guy who designed this chart had a pretty crappy job.

HORMONES = SUCK.

So I've had a crappy few days. I've been feeling lower than low and it really sucks. I seriously think it's because I went back on the pill two weeks ago. It was a last resort -- the whole "woman visits" have been absent for over a year and my doctor recommended I go back on it to get things rolling again, so to speak.

I wondered if there was a correlation between birth control pills and depression, so naturally I turned to the all-knowing source of all things: The Internet.

And sure enough, there were lots and lots of articles relating the two. Then again, you can find stuff relating to just about anything on The Internet.

*SIGH*

Anyway. Yesterday I took a mental health day. I got up and took a nice long run and then drove to this gigantic mall. I did some shopping and saw what turned out to be a terribly depressing movie. But the day did manage to get my mind off my work-related blues.

Today was better. I went with my principal and vice principal to observe a potential candidate for my job. I'd say she was in her late 20's, and we watched her teach a group of 6th grade clarinet players. About fifteen minutes into the lesson, my principal leans over and whispers,

"I don't know how the hell you do this every day. I think I would go insane."

Voila! So I felt a little justified and maybe not so crazy for getting antsy in my job. Eight years, it's been. And sitting there watching this chick teach made me realize that it's pretty much the same thing in any school I'd wind up in. And I am so ready for a change.

So I do feel better today. Probably because the week is almost over. And Saturday is Cinco de Mayo and I have a reunion to attend. So maybe my depression is 99% work-related after all.

AUTHENTICITY

Just stumbled across this article and wanted to share it.

It's a little heavy, but it sure did resonate with me.