VIEWS FROM THE SHELL

BRING IT ON, 2011

2011-01-01T14:19:00.004-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'll spare you the long-winded recap. After all, I blog so infrequently that every post I do seems like a recap! 2010 was a very good year for me. Even when things didn't go 100% the way I'd hoped, I did my best to find the bright side and be grateful for the good things. Being married to an optimistic psychologist/Reiki-person really has changed my perspective for the better!

This morning I ran 18 miles. Although it wasn't a bowl of cherries, it was a break-through. After several weeks in a row of crappy runs and self-defeating thoughts, I was able to push through and remember the joy that comes from completing a very daunting distance.

Over the past week, I've had some helpful conversations. Of course, the Huz has been great. He offers great insight into thought patterns and how we might be able to change them (again, bonus of being married to a shrink!) I also reached out to some of my running friends - both real and online - who have all gone through the same mental struggles. I have to remind myself every now and then that there is a world of resources out there, one just has to be open to ask.

I did a few things differently today. First off, I ran with my iPod. I was trying out a whole Zen approach to running the past few months, and for a while it really worked! I was able to just enjoy being outside and alone with my thoughts. Once I got passed 10 miles, however, my thoughts would begin to turn against me.

"Wow, this is hard. Let's stop and walk. You're slow. This sucks."

After a while, my body started believing all it was hearing. I decided that music would help keep my mind occupied so it would lay off my body a little bit. Good move! I loaded up my playlist with some great tunes - lots of inspirational ones - and this one even brought me to tears today:

Another thing I did was change up my route. Instead of the same roads I always take, I decided to head back into my hometown and run some roads from the past. Excellent idea!

Finally - and most effective - I enlisted a "support crew!" My Mom was only too happy to meet me a few spots along the course with water, a towel and encouraging words. Knowing that she was just 3 miles down the road really helped keep me going. Thank you, Mom.

So now I am feeling better about things. I think I can do this and do it right. Even if I don't break any records, I will finish this race, and it will be a stronger finish than my last one.

New Years resolutions? Nah, not me. Instead, I will leave you with some inspiration that I jacked from today's Dear Abby column:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

MONDAY MONDAY

2010-11-29T12:44:00.005-05:00

I'm about 3/4 through the school day, and I still feel like crawling back into bed. It's painful trying to get back to the grind after such an awesome Thanksgiving weekend.

We had a half-day Wednesday, so I had plenty of time for a long workout at the gym, and was able to get all my laundry done. Thursday started off with a nice 5-miler with some strides tossed in for good measure.

The Huz and I headed up to my brother's house for dinner. Of the three of us, my brother, John, is truly the family guy. He's got the big house, two kids, dog... the whole package. And he's awesome at it. I feel like he is everything that our Dad wasn't and I am so proud of everything he has become. Despite the fact that he deep-fried a turkey in his front yard.

There were eleven of us in total for dinner, and we had a great time. My nephews are now 7 and 4, and they are a hoot! Even though I don't want any kids of my own, they certainly do make the holidays so much more fun!

Lots of wine and good food was consumed. The Huz and I brought our traditional holiday stump. My sister-in-law made her now famous pumpkin-gingerbread trifle, to which the other pies and stuff couldn't hold a candle...

Friday was a lazy morning - I blame the wine. I had a lot of trouble ungluing my ass from the couch and the awesome movie marathon on Lifetime. Eventually I showered and then we headed south to my in-laws for round 2. It was a really nice visit, and good to spend the evening with his parents and brother.

Saturday morning was my long run and I managed to pull this out of somewhere:

Yahooty!

And yesterday after an easy 3-miler, I hopped on my bike. The weather was gorgeous, but I was freezing and had to cut it short after about an hour and a half. Today my legs are genuinely tired and will enjoy a rest day.

Not sure what caused it, but I woke up around 12:30 last night with tremendous gas pressure in my stomach. It was literally pressing on something and I felt like I was having a heart attack or something. I know it was gas because it kind of... worked its way out. But I had trouble falling back to sleep, and I still don't feel 100%. Hope it's just a passing thing [pun intended].

Cheers.

LIFE IS GOOD, INDEED.

2010-11-21T16:03:00.007-05:00

God, I love weekends.

I hope I'm not jinxing myself when I say I honestly can't remember a time in my life when I have been happier. 30's really do rock. I guess it helps having an amazing husband and fur-son.

This weekend started like most. The Huz & I went for dinner Friday night after work. We kept it simple: hit the local diner because I had been craving a panini all week. We figured diners must have paninis, and sure enough, there was one on the menu. Sadly, it ended up being a lame excuse for a panini. They threw some grilled veggies and cheese in a pita and warmed it up. Damn it. I guess the quest will have to continue this week.

Saturday morning I got in a great 10-miler in 1:31. I couldn't believe my pace! I actually managed an 8:39 for mile 8 and I told myself out loud, Slow the hell down! I really hope this improvement is the result of good training and not a fluke.

In the afternoon, I met up with a friend and we caught a bus into the city. We had an amazing dinner at a place called Swizz. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that it was a Swiss place (the name might've tipped me off) but I was pretty jazzed when I saw all the different fondues on the menu.

I had a little flashback to my last trip to Switzerland and all the glorious fondue in which we partook. Ahh...

Sorry. I digress...

So last night we shared a standard cheese fondue Provencale with fresh herbs, and also a traditional Swiss Raclette, which was to die for. I may have had two glasses of Pinot Noir. We also ordered entrees, but ended up eating just a little bit and taking the rest with us. After all, we had to save room for the dark chocolate fondue. Well hell, at least I could justify it all after my run!

After dinner, we walked a block over to this little theater to catch a very strange show. My friend knew one of the guys in the cast. The play was held in a tiny theatre on the 12th floor of this building. Here's my foot... right on the "stage."

It was definitely a different experience, but it beat sitting home on the couch. The weather was beautiful, and we took our time heading through Times Square to Port Authority. I got home just before midnight and slept like a rock.

Sunday's been great. Took an easy run, went shopping with The Huz, and just baked a batch of pumpkin granola bars. Now I'm chilling with a Punk'd, the greatest beer ever brewed. Looking forward to a short workweek and the start of the holiday season. Life is good.

2010-11-10T10:54:00.005-05:00

Well hey! Sorry if I left you hanging about Friday's long run. The good news is, I did 12 miles in 1:50. That means I could have run my first sub-2:00 half-marathon, and would have, if I wasn't so anal about sticking to my training plan! I'm must say, I'm pretty happy with my pace these days, and hope it's a result of proper training and nutrition, and not just some fluke.

The even better news is that Zico seemed to work very well for me. I brought my sloshy fuel belt (which I hate because it always makes me feel like I'm rockin' the 80s belted-shirt fashion)

But I'll sacrifice style for hydration any day.

Zico's got a very mild taste. It's nothing like the "coconut" flavor you'll find in a Mounds bar or anything. It's cultivated from young coconuts and is clear (hence: coconut water) instead of milky. If you wanna learn all about it's nutritional info, feel free to click on the link.

I'd had coconut water a couple times in India. Street vendors sell fresh coconut for a couple rupees and they look like this:

My friend, Rajiv, sucking a coconut

On my run, I drank about 4 ounces every 3 miles. I guess the downside of training with coconut water is that it's unlikely to be the beverage served at aid stations in Austin. I don't think I wanna be the "80s Marathon Runner", so I'll have to figure this out as the race draws nearer.

GIT 'ER DONE

2010-11-05T10:21:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting here watching three crows tear apart the neighbor's garbage. I guess the neighborly thing to do would be to chase them away and clean it up. But I saw my stupid neighbor walk out her front door, glance at the mess, and just keep walking. So I figure, screw her. How very un-Mr. Rogers of me.

I'm also procrastinating. I'm planning to run 12 miles today instead of tomorrow, and am waiting for breakfast to digest a little bit. The Huz's brother is getting married tomorrow, and I have learned from past experience that putting dressy shoes on after a long run isn't all that pleasant. And anyway, I'm off from school yesterday and today for the teachers' convention, so I figured I'd just get it over with today.

I only recently began eating breakfast before long runs, and cannot believe the difference it has made in my energy and endurance levels! I guess it makes sense to stock up the reserves. I can't run right away, though, as I tend to get stomach cramps, so I wait about 2 hours. But two slices of Ezekiel toast with almond butter and a banana + a cup of coffee = nice results!

Yesterday was a good day. I went over and hung out with my Mom, which is something I don't do nearly enough of anymore. We hit up Target, and then bought some stuff to make soup. We drank some wine while I put together a bitchin' pot of vegetable soup (yes, I did just use the word bitchin') and just kind of caught up on life. It was perfect rainy-day bonding.

I guess I am just about ready to set out on my run. I am experimenting with Zico coconut water today, and will let you know how that goes. Until next time...

THE NEED FOR SPEED

2010-11-03T09:12:00.006-04:00

Claire Kowalchik was right: speed training works.

Over the past few months, I have been incorporating speedwork into my weekly runs. During the summer, I started doing track workouts, and I hated them with a passion. I don't know why, but the thought of running 400s, 800s & 1200s around a high school track just made me... angry.

I've been running for over 10 years now, and have been successfully maintaining a plateau for about ... well, 9 of those years. I guess having come into running in my early 20s, I never really expected much of myself. I think that when I initially considered adding speedwork, a battle began in my head that went something like this:

MIND: "Hey, maybe if we work a little harder, we can get faster."
BODY: "Shut up. We're fine."
MIND: "Yeah, but, we spend all this time running and haven't improved much in like, ten years... just sayin'..."
BODY: "Shut UP. Running fast is difficult and makes me uncomfortable."
MIND: "Yeah, I guess. And I probably won't get faster anyway."
BODY: "Exactly. After this tedious shuffle is over, let's get ice cream, okay?"
MIND: "... yeah."

I guess any time we push ourselves outside our comfort zones, we get a little uncomfortable - physically and mentally. I guess it's just about getting over the mental hurdle.

Doing the interval training yielded positive results. I'm not sure if it was more mental than physical (or a little bit of both) but I ran my fastest 5K last month. After 10 years, I broke 26 minutes and finished in 25:21. That made me really happy. And so I have now committed to doing at least one speed session a week as I prepare for the Austin Marathon.

Yesterday I did 4 miles worth of intervals on the treadmill while watching Oprah. After a mile warmup, I did a "ladder" workout of: 400, 800, 1200, 800, 400, 400 - with 400 recoveries in between each push. I did these at 7.3 (8:13 pace) with a 1% incline. I did the last 400 at an 8:00 pace. I was sweating like a beast afterwards. Including the warmup, I'd run 5 miles in under 45 minutes. For me, this is huge.

My long run pace is improving. Last weekend I did 10 miles with an average pace of 9:12. Again, huge for me. I guess the moral of the story - and of this long-winded post - is that every now and then, it's okay to leave the comfort zone. And not just when it comes to running, but life in general. Common sense. Great advice. Sometimes easier said than done.

KILLING TIME

2010-11-02T11:10:00.002-04:00

So today I am inspired to blog again. I'm holding auditions for my middle school Wind Ensemble and they are sporadic enough that I have 15-20 minutes between each kid. That's too much time to not get bored, but not enough time to do anything productive. So in between auditions, I am reading other peoples' blogs.

I pretty much just read "Healthy Living" blogs. Whether you know it or not, there is a whole sub-culture of people out there that keep detailed blogs about what they eat and what they do for exercise. I guess that's minimalizing a little bit. Some of them throw in witty stories or uplifting, positive outlooks on life. Most of them post great photos.

To an "outsider" - or one who does not share this lifestyle - (the psychologist Huz, for example) such blogs might seem boring, pointless -- maybe a little obsessive? But I really like them. So much, in fact, that I read a handful of them on a daily basis. If I miss a day or two, I even kind of miss these people. They're like my friends, in a weird way. Friends I've never met, but I have grown to care about.

I like knowing that there are others out there who share my interests and perspectives. I like reading about new recipes and foods I've never tried. Without these blogs, I may never have discovered Justin's maple almond butter, Greek yogurt or Ezekiel bread.

While I am sometimes inspired to snap a photo of particularly successful meal I've prepared, I'm not a huge fan of posting photos of my own stuff. I think it would be weird [read: obsessive] to photograph everything I eat. But I do enjoy other peoples' "food porn" quite a bit.

Through these blogs, I've found motivation for running. It feels good hearing honest accounts of other peoples' races - good or bad - and knowing that I'm not alone in a lot of my own experiences. It's like finding an anonymous group of people with whom I have stuff in common. And that's pretty great.

Here are a few blogs I follow, in case you've got some time to kill:

Healthy Tipping Point
MegaNerd Runs
No Meat Athlete
Taydor Tott
The Hungry Runner Girl

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a 12-year old oboe player waiting for me.

THE WALL

2010-09-28T12:43:00.004-04:00

Blah. I've hit the dreaded "Wall of Boredom" at last. I guess I've finally settled into the school year enough to remember how mundane it becomes. Sadly, we're not even through September yet. Usually it takes me until at least the third week of October to start feeling this way.

It may also have to do with the fact that it's been dreary and rainy the past two days. Our cross country meet was cancelled yesterday, and today's practice doesn't look too promising. It was actually kind of nice having the afternoon free yesterday. I went over to the Y and did some cross-training.

I eked out 30 minutes on the elliptical while watching Oprah, and then spent half an hour swimming laps in the pool. It had been nearly two months since I'd done any kind of swimming, and I was amazed at how much fitness I'd already lost! That half hour kicked my ass, but I slept incredibly well last night.

I used my tofu press for the first time. I'd left the block of tofu in overnight and marinated & baked it in the toaster oven. Not bad, but I would definitely slice it thinner next time before baking it. Served it up with some quinoa and stir-fried veggies. Due to a power outage, The Huz had an unexpected evening off work, so we had some couch+TV time. *sigh* I wish I was on the couch right now instead of chained to my desk here at school.

I haven't seen my Mom in over a week, so I made plans to head over there for dinner tonight. Maybe I'll try and bang out a few miles after school in the rain.

Is it Friday yet?

WEEKLY RECAP

2010-09-26T10:29:00.004-04:00

Here it is, Sunday again. A whole week has gone by already? I find myself savoring Sundays like never before. Here's a little recap of the week:

School: I've started up the period 0 band rehearsals on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. This means that I'm out of the house and over at school before 7:00 AM. You'd think that after 12 years this would get easier. It never does. Fortunately, I have great kids this year and they really bring me to life. I guess if I have to be up that early, it's a great way to start the day.

Cross country: We had a good week. Our first meet was Monday and we ended up running against two other schools. Both of the other teams were small, so we annihilated them. I think it was a nice way to start the season!

The rest of the week consisted of practices. I had them do a long run day on Tuesday; speed workout on Wednesday; hill repeats on Thursday; and since they worked hard all week, we played Yahooty! for "Fun Friday." The temperatures were wicked for most of the week - 90's in September? But the kids didn't complain. Much.

My own running: I managed to log 20.5 miles this week, despite the hectic schedule and lousy weather. I bumped up yesterday's long run to 8 miles. I'd planned to hit the water fountain around the halfway point, but decided to change up my route. I ended up running the entire distance without a water break, which really suuucked.

At one point, I got a little desperate and stuck my face into someone's lawn sprinkler. Wow, those high pressure jets hurt! But I managed to wet my throat a little, and I think it gave me the jolt I needed.

Other stuff: Yesterday afternoon I went to my nephew's first karate tournament. He's a 7 year-old yellow belt, so the competition wasn't too fierce. It was fun to hang out with my brother & his wife, and to see Bean do his thing. Again though, 90˚ weather in September + hundreds of stinky karate feet = .... gross.

Next weekend is the Rotary 5K, for which I am a co-director. Hoping we get a decent showing, although the morons at the Daily Rag got the date wrong in today's paper. Big surprise there.

And finally, my tofu press came in the mail this week! I can't wait to try it out. Huz & I went for Thai food at a new place Friday night and their tofu was terrible! Mushy and gross. Blah. I know I can do better. Will let you know how that turns out.

In case I don't make it back 'til next Sunday - which is all too likely - have a great week!

PERMISSION TO BE LAZY

2010-09-19T08:14:00.003-04:00

Today I am granting myself permission to be lazy. That is, until the guilt and boredom set in.

It's been a whirlwind week. After the two-week stuttered start, the school year was in full swing. I got all my kids signed up for Band (101 this year - woo hoo!) got their folders made, schedules done, meetings, etc. We also had cross country practice every day after school (which is an absolute blast) and I seemed to have some sort of evening obligation every night except for Friday.

Yesterday I ran my first "real-feeling" long run since... well, I don't even remember. But it's been a while. I set out to do 7 miles and ended up doing exactly 7.75 in 1:14. I was pretty okay with that. It felt awesome, and I think my body is finally remembering how to run again.

Naturally, I was full of energy after the run so I tackled housecleaning like it was my job. I despise cleaning the bathroom, but it had to be done. I know it's time when being in the shower skeeves me out. While I was at it, I vacuumed the rest of the house - including the stairs - so my lower back had quite the workout.

I didn't stop there. I did about 7 loads of laundry, designed the t-shirt for the upcoming 5K, and visited my Mom. By the time I got back home around 5:00, I was done. The Huz and I went out for Thai food (and WINE) and then came back, couched-out and watched some Dexter.

As is typical when I run long, I didn't sleep very well. It's maddening because my body is so tired - maybe too tired - and I toss and turn. Although I stayed up 'til almost midnight, I was up by 6:30 this morning, ravenously hungry from yesterday's activity.

Anyway, as I said earlier in the post, I'm giving myself permission to be lazy today. Case in point, I am back in bed after having a leisurely breakfast. I'm pretty sure that I'll get bored soon enough and be out and about - it's who I am. But for now, I'll pretend I can relax.

CLEAN 'TWEEN TECHNOLOGY

2010-09-03T13:35:00.004-04:00

I think the coolest part of my job is seeing the growth of each kid over the 3-year middle school span. Unlike most classroom teachers, I get to keep kids for all three years unless they:
1. Move away
2. Decide they're too cool and quit Band or
3. Hate me (and quit Band)

It's amazing how they change over time. September is always fun because a lot of them have growth spurts over the summer. They leave me in June looking like little boys and girls, and then they come back looking like... teenagers.

I think teaching middle school keeps me young - mentally and physically. There's definitely something to surrounding yourself with positive energy, and there is so much vitality in a horde of 'tweens! I bet it would be an excellent source of green energy. Maybe someday they'll figure out how to harness 'tween spirit and use it instead of coal, oil and gasoline.

These are just some of the thoughts I had today, while on 8th grade lunch duty.

In other news, my ass is sore as hell. I did manage to sneak into the gym yesterday, and did quite a bit of weight training. Including three sets of squats, the reason for my aforementioned ass pain. I really should do those more often. Judging by the pain, I'd say they work pretty well. No pain, no gain -- right?

DECEITFUL GIRL

2010-09-02T14:16:00.004-04:00

Zzzzzzz.... *yawn*
"Huh? Oh yeah... Hi."

First day is dreadfully slow and boring for me. I can't believe this is the same day. It feels like I have been here for a week and it's still not even 2:36.

With the schedule the way it is, kids don't get the chance to sign up for electives (ie: Band) until Monday the 13th, and therefore, I don't technically get to see my kids until the 15th. So really, I am still on summer vacation. Sort of. Except that I have to be here in the school building and do awful things like lunch duty.

But at least I am getting organized. This morning I cleaned out my desk drawers for the first time in many years. I found lots of old photos and letters from kids who are probably in college now (or out of college -- gah!) I also found loads of dust, dirt and grime. Thank God for Lysol disinfecting wipes. What the hell did we do before their invention?

So anyway, I'm bored. I have to hang out for another half hour or so because I'm meeting with the former cross country coach and he's gonna edumacate me on all I need to know to start off the season. He's finally retired after over 40 years of teaching. The same class. In the SAME SCHOOL. Crazy, huh? I wonder if I'll make it that long without going insane.

No big plans for the evening. Hus is working late so I am on my own. I should probably get over to the gym to do a light recovery run and some weights.

I have been pulling the wool over the eyes of my former gym (do gyms have eyes?) I cancelled my membership over the summer so I could return to the YMCA (and the pool). Unfortunately, the Y goes through a 2-week annual shutdown every summer, so I am currently without a place to work out.

Luckily, the Huz still has a membership with my former gym - and a keytag! They are the kind of gym where you swipe yourself in. So despicable me has been using the Huz's keytag - and getting away with it! I just hope none of the little desk girls looks up at the screen. They're not the brightest crew, but I have a feeling they'd notice I'm not a bald man with a goatee.

SPEEDWORK AND MELONS AND SCHOOL, OH MY!

2010-09-01T20:28:00.006-04:00

Year #12 of teaching started off with... well, not really a bang - more of a whimper. A running-induced whimper, that is.

I rolled out of bed at 6:00 am and I wasn't feeling top-notch. I had that low grade fever vibe all day yesterday and it continued throughout the night with wacky dreams and night sweats. But I got up and headed down to the local high school track for some speedwork, hoping I could knock whatever it was out of my system.

My training plan called for 2x400s; 1x800 & 2x400s. The first two 400s went well, but after the 800, I felt like quitting. Then I thought of Caitlin's post about being uncomfortable vs. being in pain, and reminded myself that it's okay to push yourself out of the comfort zone - especially during speedwork. If you don't make yourself go faster, you'll never become a faster runner. So I pushed.

And I finished! And I felt incredible for the rest of the day. Lesson learned.

Since it was a teachers-only day, I basically sat in orientation meetings from 9:00-1:00. It was nice seeing everyone again. I think it's the first year that I have 0% anxiety about starting off. I have to say, mid-30's really rock! I am the most comfortable I have ever been in my skin and it's just a really great, balanced feeling.

Did some errands with the Huz after school (he was off from work for a doctor's appointment) and then made a kickass dinner involving these amazing creations. Oh Morningstar Farms, I don't wanna know what's in them, just promise you'll keep coming up with new and delicious products for me.

Afterwards, I cut up a canary melon that I'd bought at a roadside farm stand this weekend. The dude at the stand described it as a cross between honeydew and cantaloupe.

Oh. My. God. Absolutely the sweetest and most amazing melon I have ever tasted. If you happen to see one of these, BUY IT! Wait until it turns an almost golden brown on the outside and then it's ready.

Alright, that's all I got. Kids tomorrow. Bring 'em on!

THE LAST HURRAH

2010-08-30T19:13:00.005-04:00

Just got back from the annual "Roadtrip with Mom." This year we took a drive down to a winery in south Jersey.

I think I may have turned into a bit of a wine snob after my trip through Napa this summer, as I wasn't particularly impressed with any of the ones I tasted today. Mom's big on the sweet wines, and one of the raspberry ones tasted like Nyquil. Which is what I told the classy woman that was pouring the wines. Into the plastic cups.

It was nice taking a ride and spending the day with Mom. We used to take all kinds of summer roadtrips together: Delaware, Maine, Maryland. One time we drove all the way to Cincinnati so I could take a college audition. These days, we usually just do day-trips. We talked a lot and it was great to catch up on stuff.

We stopped for lunch at this incredibly huge diner which makes these amazing cheese and cinnamon breads...

So. Damn. Good.

In other news, I managed a decent 5-mile run yesterday. I hate that I currently consider 5 miles a "long run." It seems like the double digit days were so long ago, and it hasn't even been a year since the Marine Corps Marathon. Amazing how quickly one can lose distance fitness. Ah well. We build slowly, right?

And tomorrow is my last official day of summer vacay. I think I shall stare at the clock, mourning each passing second. Sigh.

TRUE PARADISE

2010-08-27T08:30:00.007-04:00

As summer winds down and I get ready for another year of school, I reflect on what an amazing summer it's been.

It started off at the end of June with a 10-day trip up the California coast with my BFF, Lisa. We flew out to San Diego and drove up through San Francisco.

After California, I came home and had 2 weeks of an awesome summer music program at school, while training for - and completing! - my first sprint triathlon...

And what better way to wrap it all up than a honeymoon in Aruba? A week with the love of my life in paradise...

By far, one of the best summers I've ever had.

But out of all the traveling and 'doing' that I did, my favorite part - and what I'll miss most of all - are the quiet mornings at home.

BELATED HONEYMOON

2010-08-25T10:47:00.007-04:00

Hello again! It's been a while, I know, but this time I actually do have a valid excuse. The Huz and I finally took our honeymoon! We spent a week in lovely Aruba at the Marriott Surf Club.

We were pretty active between snorkeling, wind surfing and swimming. I also managed to keep up my running - logging around 20 miles for the week - albeit on the boring hotel treadmill. It was an awesome trip, definitely worth the 2-year wait!

As nice as it was to be away, it's so great being back home. We missed the cat terribly, and there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed (even if it isn't a sweet king bed with a lush duvet *sigh* maybe someday...) Aruba's not the easiest place to find decent vegetarian fare, though there were no shortages of Brazilian steakhouses or churrascarias serving you giant spits of carcass. We ended up eating a lot of ethnic: Thai, Indian, Mexican, Japanese. No complaints from me!

While on vacay, I read this book. Although it's been sitting on my bookshelf for the past five years, I never really cracked it open. I'm glad I did, as it was really great. I learned a lot about speed training, VO2 max, and lots of other stuff I had written off as too complicated, advanced and boring for me. The author really explained everything bare bones. Good stuff.

This morning I set out on my first round of speed training in a long time. I headed down to the local high school track and ran four sets of 400s (in the pouring rain) at a pace which I hope will allow me to break my 5K PR in October. We shall see!

Other than that, I'm just wrapping things up for the summer. School starts up again on September 1, and the kiddies are back on the 2nd. I'm looking forward to a great year. Can I really be starting my 12th year of teaching?! Gaah, I'm old!

But definitely looking forward to a great year. Psyched about being head coach for the cross-country team, and planning lots of exciting adventures for my little band nerds. And so the fun begins... again!

EVERY SINGLE BREATH

2010-08-11T15:18:00.003-04:00

As I was having my coffee this morning, a photo in the local paper caught my attention.

Normally I just skim over the world news page - it's always all just horrible. Murders, war casualties, celebrities doing bad things. But this photo struck me. I looked at the faces of the people and tried to imagine the horror of their situation. I tried to put myself in their place.

Every day I take so much for granted. Not just the basics - food, clean water, clothing - but also the extravagances. Things like air conditioning, WiFi speed and $10/jar almond butter.

If I hit a red light on the way from my expensive health club to my comfortable townhouse, I bitch. If Facebook won't load in the first three seconds, I get impatient. You get the point.

This photo made me think about how unfair the world can be. One minute, these folks in China were probably on their way home from school or to the market when WHAM! their worlds were thrown upside down.

In an instant they went from worrying about being late and missing the first scene at the movies - to watching their house tumble down and wondering if their 4 year-old child managed to get out alive.

Life is so precious. I wish I could remember that more often, and be grateful for every breath I am allowed as a healthy person, living a comfortable existence.

SWIM, BIKE, RUN!

2010-08-09T10:35:00.005-04:00

I did it! I am now officially a triathlete!

Yesterday's race was awesome. Rather than bore anyone with a detailed race recap, I'll just say that the whole event seemed to fly by. I find that's a sign that things went well. Even with concerts and stuff, when I can barely remember them, that usually means they went well.

Also, I wasn't terribly nervous - just excited. Usually for races, I wake up feeling terrified and stay terrified all the way to the starting line. Standing at the water's edge yesterday, I just felt a surge of excitement! I knew I was well-prepared for the swim. And I held my own in the water - even if I didn't break any speed records. I didn't get tired at all, and was to the shore before I knew it.

The bike portion was a breeze. The course was super-flat and I cruised along with a huge smile on my face. The run was a little less pleasant. My legs were stiff as hell from the bike, but I pressed on. I ended up finishing with an official time of 1:20:46. Considering my goal was to finish in under two hours, I was very satisfied.

It was a very well-run event. Having co-directed the Rotary 5K for the past two years, I know what a pain in the ass it is to get things to run smoothly. I can't imagine how much must go into organizing a triple event like that, which drew more than 700 participants. Props to the event organizers.

And props to the dear Huz for being by my side - once again - as I reached a goal. While I train alone for these events, they would mean nothing without having him waiting for me at the finish line. For him, I am so very grateful.

KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS

2010-08-07T14:52:00.005-04:00

Last night, the Huz and I babysat for my two nephews, ages 7 and 4. We're not planning on having kids of our own because, well... we just don't like them very much. And anyway, my nephews are the two cutest kids in the universe. Even if we tried to have kids, they could, in no way, compare to these guys.

The oldest ("Bean") is big into karate. He recently earned his yellow belt and attends class three times per week. He's not the most coordinated kid in terms of throwing, catching or kicking a ball, but karate suits him well. I think he enjoys the structure and the discipline. They say that kids crave structure and discipline, and I think most adults do, too. I know I do.

For instance, I have not even finished tomorrow's triathlon and I am already trying to figure out what's next on my race agenda. I am registered to do a 45-mile bike ride in September, but that doesn't require much training. I love biking. It's super easy for me, and the only thing I anticipate is a sore ass the day after the ride.

A friend of mine put a bug in my head the other day. She's the same friend who convinced me to sign up for my first marathon in 2006. She's planning to run the Austin, TX marathon in February with her daughter and thinks I should do it with them.

Damn it.

First I was like, "No way! I would hate training all winter when it's cold and dark and I have school, etc. etc." But maybe that's exactly why I should do this race. Winters are brutal for me. I tend to go into hibernation mode, which involves getting into my pajamas by 5:00 in the evening and setting up camp on the couch.

And carbs. Lots of warm, sweet, lucious... carbs.

Now that the Huz has a private practice, he is not home until after 8:00 most nights. This is okay in the summer because there's plenty for me to do. But in the winter? Hmm... recipe for disaster.

So I think I am leaning a little towards a February marathon. I think what really sealed the deal was a conversation I had with Bean last night. We were looking at one of the kids' placemats which had a map of the U.S. on it. We were going through all the states that we'd each been to. He pointed to the biggest of the states and said,

"That's Texas. I really wanna go to Texas!"
"Yeah? Why is that?" I asked
"I dunno. But I really wanna go to Texas!"

Damn it.

WISE WORDS

2010-08-06T10:06:00.010-04:00

Yesterday I did something that made me feel really good. Twice.

No, you pervert. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Back in April I bought a road bike. I had been enjoying the spring weather on my goofy hybrid (it really is goofy... it looks like this:)

One sunny day, I was huffing and puffing it up a big hill when this older guy on a road bike cruised by me effortlessly.
"I gotta get me one of those!" I gasped.
"You really do. It makes all the difference in the world."
That was all it took. A few days later, my impulsive ass was at the bike shop and I was on my way to this:

After several glorious rides (and much prodding from my IronMan triathlete pal, Dan) I registered for my first sprint distance triathlon. The only problem? I didn't really know how to swim.

I grew up in a lake community. I vividly remember having my first swim lesson when I was around five years old. The instructor told me to lay on my stomach and we were going to practice the "dead man's float." That lesson was also my last. I remember crying in the car about how much I hated it, and so my mom didn't really push me to continue. My swim career was short-lived.

Flash forward about 25 years. I signed up at the Y to take some adult swim lessons. They were very helpful. I learned some very basic strokes and gained confidence in the water. I think I was the star of the class! Then again, my colleagues were two Chinese women who refused to put their faces in the water, and an old Indian man in a Speedo.

Here I am - five years later - and I am determined to become a proficient swimmer. Last month I signed back up at the Y and began swimming about three times per week. It was hard as hell in the beginning. I could barely go two laps of freestyle without gasping for breath and feeling like my heart was going to explode. How can this be so hard for someone who runs marathons?

My awesome cousins, who live on a local lake, hooked me up with one of their neighbors - a feisty little fireplug of a girl! A law student and former competitive swimmer, Amie enthusiastically agreed to coach me. The first time we met up was at my cousin's house. I think they had forewarned her about my ability, because she showed up with one of those pool noodles.

At the pool, I had increased my freestyle distance to about 100 yds before switching to breaststroke for a couple laps. This past weekend, Amie encouraged me to try and swim freestyle as far as I could. She said I'd never get stronger if I didn't push myself to go farther, and I'd never know how far I could go if I didn't let myself try.

Wise words.

Had I not tried, I never would've realized that I am able to swim the full 1/4 mile of freestyle. Yesterday I did it twice. And that felt amazing. I think I might kick this triathlon's ass.

DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

2010-08-05T16:54:00.006-04:00

Wow. I could've had a baby in the time since I last blogged. Don't worry though, I didn't.

And rather than make excuses for why I haven't blogged, or give you some lame updates about what I've been doing during the past 9 months, here are five random things about my day today:

1. There's an old man who swims laps in the slow lane of the pool at the Y. He arrives every morning (at least, the mornings I am there) at 8:00 a.m. and puts on his snorkel mask. Then he proceeds to creep along like one of those 200-year old sea turtles, back and forth. I don't like swimming in the lane next to him - and I definitely won't share his lane - because I don't know what his motive is for wearing the snorkel mask.

2. I put in a work order to have the toilet seat fixed in my bathroom. A cute, young maintenance kid came to replace it. After about five minutes, he informed me that he'd gotten the wrong color - bone instead of white - and that he'd be back soon to replace it. In the meantime, could I deal with the color?
"Hell yes," I replied. "This way I won't have to clean it and no one will know!"

3. The fact that bone is a color kind of grosses me out.

4. I spent about 45 minutes cleaning a food processor that my in-laws gave us last year. It's been sitting in its box in the garage. I've been a little afraid to deal with it, but we have six really ripe peaches and I found this great recipe for making peach sorbet (which requires a food processor).

After cleaning all the blades and containers, etc., I no longer felt like making sorbet. I thought about packing up the food processor and maybe selling it on eBay. Then I realized that I had recycled the box about an hour before. I also realized I have absolutely no room in any kitchen cabinet to store the damn thing. So I wrapped it all up in plastic ShopRite bags and put it under the sink it the cat's bathroom - the last inch of free storage space in the whole house.

5. Yes, our cat has his own bathroom. Don't worry, he hasn't got a tub.

BORED AT WORK

2009-11-17T11:17:00.002-05:00

And you know I must be really bored if I'm actually going back to blogging after all this time. I don't know why it is that I keep getting away from it. It's a nice release for my verbal diarrhea, even if no one is really reading any of it. I should try to blog more often. Yeah, 'cause I never say that.

I think Facebook has killed blogging for a lot of people, or for me at least. I waste so much time on there, but it's such a neat way to keep in contact with people I haven't been in touch with in ages. It is also a great way to socialize without having to get off the couch. Ironic that it's called Facebook when there is absolutely no face time.

I haven't been up to too much lately. Well, that's not true. Since my last post back in May, I trained for and completed my second marathon. It was the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington DC. I did not do terribly well. I think I'll save the details for another post - most of my photos are on my home computer.

School's been going pretty well this year. I completed my first successful season as cross-country coach of the school team and it was a blast! Although coaching didn't require that I do much other than show up, tell the kids, "Run" and then stand around until they were finished, it was great seeing them in a non-music related setting. It was also neat getting to know students other than my own.

I want to write more. I want to write on a daily basis. I am posting this now so I will at least set the ball in motion. See you tomorrow. Maybe.

EASY DOES IT

2009-05-19T10:26:00.006-04:00

Last night I watched one of my all-time favorite movies, A League of Their Own, and absolutely loved it. I know all the lines and just wait for the scenes that choke me up. What a fantastic cast and script! I love that there are a handful of movies that I can call upon to "take me away" - if only for two hours.

I've grown rather comfortable with our evening routine of cooking dinner, doing dishes and then crashing on the couch with The Huz, our laptops and the television. After so many years of not being able to relax, not knowing how to handle free time without an overwhelming sense of guilt creeping in, it's a giant relief to be able to just BE.

I no longer feel that nagging emptiness in my soul. While I still have a touch of wanderlust, I no longer feel like there is some undiscovered destiny for me elsewhere on the planet. I am somehow satiated and it feels good.

I wonder if that's what marriage does? Or being in your thirties? Or both?

2008 was a crazy year: A sabbatical from my job; a month in India; a wedding. At the beginning of 2009, I made a deal with myself to let it be an easier year. So far, it's been nice to be content.

LEAD HEAD

2009-05-18T10:11:00.006-04:00

Ugh. I've got the Mondays pretty bad today. I think it's because I woke up around 4:30, rolled over, and fell way back into a really deep sleep. When the alarm went off, I had to climb up from the depths to turn it off. My brain feels like it's full of lead and - nearly five hours later - I just can't seem to get things moving.

Interesting how I seem to be able to be wide awake in the mornings on weekends. Like I can't wait to jump up and start the day. Maybe because I'm allowed to do whatever I want. Just 25 more days of school and then I am free....

Yesterday The Huz and I traveled south with two others to attend the funeral of the Mom of one of our friends. She had been sick for a while with congestive heart failure and other things so it wasn't a total surprise. I was glad to be there for Jeff, as he was really there for me when my Dad died.

Those days were a giant blur, but one clear memory that always pops up was of Jeff and I walking down by the lake. He was there when I needed to get out of the house. He listened when I talked about my Dad, and he was there for me when I didn't want to talk or think about anything at all. Just knowing that he was there provided me with a sense of comfort and support.

WHERE YA BEEN?

2009-05-16T22:54:00.004-04:00

I been around. Certainly not blogging though, that's for sure. I just watched the Dean Karnazes documentary Ultramarathon Man and remembered that I had seen him run his 50th in New York back in 2006. So I went back to my long-abandoned blog to see if I had posted anything about it. Sure enough, I had.

Then I started reading through my old blog entries and realized, "Shit, I used to be really good at blogging. WTF happened?" Life happened, I guess. It's gotten too easy to end up on the couch with The Husband (aka: "The Huz"), checking Facebook and watching bad television. I kind of miss writing for the hell of it. And so, here I am, once again.

It's been a great school year. I can't believe it's already May and we only have five weeks left. The spring concert was a success and now things are beginning to wind down. I've been running a lot and have signed up [again] for the Marine Corps Marathon. I bailed last year because there was just too much else going on. (Did I even mention that I got hitched?) Now I feel like my heart is in it for the right reasons. I am really looking forward to starting the training plan in June, and am currently working to build up a decent mileage base.

There's been a 10-ton blanket of humidity draped over the world today, and the sky finally opened up. Hopefully this rain will chill things off a bit. But it's come with thunder and lightening too, so I think I shall sign off before I fry my Mac.

Cheers for now.

GROUNDHOG DAY

2009-02-02T10:27:00.003-05:00

[DISCLAIMER: Rather than list a bunch of bullshit excuses about why I haven't posted in 5 months, I am just going to pretend like I've been here all along. And I think I'll refrain from promising myself to blog every day, as I know damn well that isn't going to happen.]

So this morning I went for an ultrasound. The technician was this little Indian guy and he was truly 'jolly' - a quality that I don't attribute to many people. But he was definitely jolly, and I took his presence as a sign from the universe, reminding me that a year ago today I was in India, surrounded by thousands of jolly Indians at the District Conference.

My technician had a very soothing manner. As he rolled the wand back and forth over my abdomen, he calmly directed me to "Breathe iiiiiiin.... and breathe oooooouuuut." He pointed out my liver, spleen and kidney ("looks just like kidney bean, right?")

When he finished, I remarked, "Well thanks, now I am done with my daily pranayama." His face lit up and he laughed.
"You do pranayama every day?" he asked
"Well, not as often as I should," I confessed.

It was as good as the experience could have been.

I went to an endocrinologist a couple weeks ago to find out why I am having women issues. She did a lot of bloodwork and, in the process of discovering I have like zero estrogen, she also found an abnormality in my liver function. Hence the abdominal ultrasound this morning. Last Friday I had an MRI done on my head to make sure there was nothing structurally interfering with my pituitary and hypothalmus. Crazy shit.

Driving home from the MRI, I had a weird, fatalistic moment. I really got to thinking about how we are so much more than our bodies. That our selves (souls, perhaps) really make us who we are, and our bodies are mere instruments. However, our instruments can fail. And even if we think we're immortal or invincible, we are so very fragile. It was a bit much.

Anyway, that's my story for the day. That, and I am off playing hooky. The weather is lovely and I should really take advantage of the sunshine while it's here.

DO NOT WANT

2008-09-05T22:05:00.004-04:00

Something about Sarah Palin makes me dry-heave. I don't even know the woman, yet I have this inexplicable urge to drive an ice-pick through her ridiculous updo and into her skull. Thankfully, I'm not the only one.

2008-09-04T21:39:00.009-04:00

My 403(b) - which is like a 401(k) for teachers - has changed somehow and so today after school, my financial planner, Ken, came and met with me to discuss my options. He knows from prior meetings that I am a financial moron. Once I even told him that he should speak to me as if I am a retarded kindergartner. I think he thought I was kidding.

Today's meeting went something like this...

Ken: "Blah blah blah blah blah mutual funds blah blah blah blah interest rates blah blah blah?"
Me: [Nods, wondering how such an old guy can have such a thick head of hair]
Ken: "Blah blah blah blah variable annuity blah blah blah Oppenheimer blah blah"
Me: [thinks, "I'm pretty sure The Police wrote a song about Oppenheimer's deadly toy... is he talking about it?"]
Ken: "I recommend blah blah blah blah blah"
Me: "Sounds good" [wondering if it was the pear at lunch that gave her the indigestion]

I'm useless. However, it was a pretty awesome day. First day back with the kids and I just feel like I'm "home" -- and it's good. And hell, I'd love to see Ken teach a bunch of 12-year olds to play in 6/8.

TWINS

2008-09-03T21:27:00.004-04:00

I got my old MacBook Pro back yesterday for school. It's not really "old" -- it's actually one of the 2.4 GHz Intel Core Duo beauties. I got it brandy new when I took on the role of Media Club Advisor. When I left last June, I had to turn it back over and then was suffering from major withdrawal. So I went out and bought the exact same computer.

But now that I have TWO of these babies, the fun is endless!!! Here they are taking pictures of one another with PhotoBooth. Crazy kids...

Only in America, folks.

A NEW DAY

2008-09-01T10:51:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow I return to life as a teacher. And I cannot wait! This "year off from my life" has taught me a lot about who I am and what I value. I know what I need for my life to function properly (a structured schedule and LOTS of intellectual stimulation) and I also know that hanging around witty middle-school kids is very good for my soul. I miss them. I miss my network of friends. Most of all, I miss feeling like I have a purpose.

Tomorrow I go back to my life and I will do so with gratitude and a greater appreciation for the little things that make up the bigger picture. I look forward to sharing stories again and breathing some new life into this blog!

Happy Labor Day!

VOTE YES!!

2008-08-07T10:23:00.004-04:00

My entry made it onto the voting page. Check it out and thumbs me up!

CHECKING IN

2008-07-17T11:58:00.002-04:00

So I'm officially unemployed now until September. My sabbatical job came to an end last Friday and now I can take a little breather before returning to teaching in the fall. It was a very good experience for me. I met some wonderful people and had some great adventures along the way. But most importantly, I learned what it is I need in my life - the kind of work I want to do and the kind of people I want to spend my days with. So I'm very much looking forward to returning "home."

In other news, I think I might bail out of the Marine Corps Marathon. Since my return from India in February, I have been steadily building my running back up. I don't think I've run less than four days a week in the past 5 months. I started my official marathon training on June 23 and quite frankly, I am already mentally burned out. And the mental burnout has also lead me to start feeling physically burnt as well. And I ask myself, "Can I really do fifteen more weeks of this? Do I really wanna start my job again and have to be thinking of the next 18-mile run I have to do?" Not so much.

So I've decided to take a week off from running. Fortunately, HE and I are leaving tomorrow for Sedona, AZ (HIS first trip!!) so I think it will be a good time for a break. Perhaps the healing energy of Sedona will also help me straighten out my head and find what's truly in my heart. I just kinda feel like I'm running for the wrong reasons lately and that's no good.

GOALS.

2008-04-30T15:15:00.004-04:00

Yes. I need to get off my ass and start doing things. Every now and then I get into these funks where I just get bored or lazy or down (and sometimes a bit of all three) and I have to shake it off. I did some good yesterday. Got in touch with the coordinator of the community outreach program at the high school. Made some connections and also offered to get involved when I get back in September. A good goal will be to see if I can do a little good every day.

And another goal....
[drum roll]

This morning I registered for the 2008 Marine Corps Marathon in Washington D.C.

Cuz it was time. And hell, if I'm gonna make a goal, I may as well make a BIG goal, right?

Rainy Days and Tuesdays...

2008-04-29T12:19:00.003-04:00

The India euphoria has finally worn off and I've definitely returned to my old self. This is not a good thing. Today is the worst so far. I have zero motivation to do anything productive. It's cold and rainy out. I want to crawl into bed and not deal with the world.

This morning, right before I woke up, I heard a dream/thought voice telling me that yesterday was a complete waste of a day. And it was. And that sucks. I mean, I got up and did things: took a run; made it to work (though did no actual work); and wrote and mailed a letter to my friend in India. I went to Barnes & Noble and bought the new Jennifer Weiner book. I cooked dinner. Watched some mindless television. Went to bed.

But we only get a certain number of days, right? Shouldn't each day be a little more meaningful? Just yesterday we found out that one of the customers here lost his 16-year old daughter. She died from falling off a horse at her weekly riding session. How fucked up is that? She was completely healthy and normal and now she's gone. Why?

When I came home, I was so inspired to live a different life. I wanted to focus on community service and being a better person. Yet here I am again. Stuck in my routine and feeling the familiar brain fog rolling back in. Where did my fire go? Can it last? Did it ever even have a chance?

AFTER A THREE-MONTH HIATUS...

2008-04-11T14:33:00.003-04:00

The bitch is back! Hope you've enjoyed my meanderings over at the India Blog. What a great trip. Man.

So now that I've been back for two months, I've pretty much gotten back to my old ways. A little wiser, perhaps, and a lot more relaxed about life. Still working at the sabbatical gig. Things are chugging along. I'm definitely going back to my teaching job in the fall. This was an invaluable experience. Everyone who becomes complacent at their job should have the chance to take a year away from it and reevaluate their perspective. I am so grateful for the opportunity.

Next Friday is my best friend's wedding and I get to be her Maid of Honor. I'm so excited!! Her fiancé is a great guy and she is the happiest I have ever seen her. As a wedding gift, I put together a slideshow for the reception. I hope she likes it.

I've gotten back into the running scene and feel a great new motivation about it. So much that I am considering the Marine Corps Marathon in October. Funny what a new pair of sneakers can do!

What else... well, I've been keeping vegetarian for the past three months. I've also kicked artificial sweeteners, gum and coffee. Not sure which of them was the worst culprit, but my stomach feels better than it has in years.

Last night I watched Crocodile Dundee for the first time. I think it was one I could have missed. Didn't really need to wait 22 years to see that one.

T.G.I.F.

2008-01-11T10:27:00.001-05:00

Sheesh, what a week it's been! Yes, a tree really did land on The Beetle. It happened on the very windy Wednesday while I was at work. I was on my way to give a presentation to a local Rotary club and was getting into my boss's car. I hadn't even closed the car door when I heard this giant crrrrrrrraaack . I got out and looked around and - lo and behold - there was a tree lying on my car.

(You can click on them to see the gory details close up)

The lucky bastard who owns the gray car in the middle only had a couple scratches. Mine took the brunt and the minivan got a broken windshield.

"Ow! My eye!"

So long, dome.

I figure I was pretty lucky. I had decided to ride with my boss to the meeting instead of driving myself -- a very wise decision, in retrospect. And while I was freaking the fuck out when it first happened, I calmed down very quickly. After all, it's only a car, and a car can be fixed. Needless to say, we were half an hour late to the Rotary meeting. But what a great excuse I had!

I haven't been sleeping very well the past few nights. Lots on my mind. Last night I woke up to go to the bathroom and sure enough, after being MIA for nearly two years, my monthly visitor has returned on her own. Don't get me wrong - it's a GIANT relief. I just kinda wish it waited until I was back in a country with toilet paper. And toilet seats.

So anyway, that was my week in a nutshell. Honestly, I feel very good and very ready to go on this trip. I've let go of all that is out of my control, and feel wide open and eager to experience, learn and grow.

You can follow me on my adventure at the new blog. I want to send the address to people in my professional world, so it might not be as cynical and/or graphic as I'd like it to be. I also don't really want any of those lame-o's to find this blog so I linked it from here, but am not linking back from there.

God forbid they find out what I really think of them.

"ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPEN AT WORK TODAY?"

2008-01-09T16:58:00.001-05:00

I'll give you a hint...

Question: If a tree falls on a Beetle, does it make a sound?

Answer: Yes.

NEW BLOG!

2008-01-05T23:20:00.001-05:00

A new look for this one, and a new blog for India... check it out!

2008-01-01T18:37:00.000-05:00

NEAT AND SURREAL...

2007-12-30T11:13:00.000-05:00

HE's FAMOUS!

My boy has made the news! Way to go, honey! I'm so proud of you!

However, if any blonde, spiritual groupies start showing up at our door, I may have to kick some Unity Ass.

I LOVE YOU!

2007-12-27T22:52:00.000-05:00

"YOU ALL EVERYBODY"

So we finally caught up on Lost, watching the final Netflixed episode of season 3 tonight. Wow. What a cool show!

I'm not a huge TV watcher. In fact, if not for the miracle of Netflix, I would have never experienced the Sopranos or Six Feet Under. And my life would suck a whole lot more than it does. So if you've never seen Lost - a surprisingly good show for network television - please do yourself a favor and SEE IT!!

In other news...

Christmas was good. Our hot water heater sprung a leak on Christmas Eve and our living room carpet is wet and brown. But it could have been worse. At least our water was still hot, we had heat, we had food, we had a roof over our heads and presents to open. And the beauty of renting is that the day after Christmas, the maintenance guys came and installed a new hot water heater. And tomorrow morning, the carpet cleaners are coming. And it's not costing us anything.

We're having our first housewarming party tomorrow night. Yes... only five months after we moved in. Looking forward to seeing friends that I have missed since leaving the school job. HIS work friends are coming too. Psychologists + middle school teachers = one interesting evening.

T-16 days until India. Got my Hepatitis A, typhoid and flu vaccines last week. Have to go back to get tetanus, meningitis and polio next week. Got me a script for a Z-pak and anti-malaria pills - AND - they threw in some Cipro for good measure. So just in case we run out of beer & wine tomorrow night, I can break out the good stuff.

'Til we meet again...

2007-12-24T17:03:00.000-05:00

HIIIII-DEE HO HO HO!

Nothing says "Happy Birthday, Jesus" quite like a plate of poo-shaped gingerbread cookies.
Merry Christmas, Blogosphere! And a happy, healthy 2008.

2007-12-18T22:25:00.000-05:00

GRO-BAN.

2007-12-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

OUR LOL PATIO

moar funny pictures

CLICK ON IT TO VOTE! KTHXBAI.

2007-12-13T14:23:00.000-05:00

HMMM

Wow it's really crappy outside. Ice is falling from the sky.

Been a crazy week. We had our first India orientation meeting on Saturday and I met the rest of the group. There are three of us team members and a team leader. The leader is a guy named Bernie. He's retired and he's been to lots of different places around the world. Very easy-going and seems like a nice guy.

The rest of the team consists of: Liz, a newly-wed 30-something YMCA program coordinator from Suburbia; Rajiv, a 25 year-old metrosexual Sri-Lankan intern at the U.N.; and Misty, a home-schooled EMT from the boonies. It's an interesting group, no doubt.

We had a list of things we needed to get done before our next meeting... getting an Indian visa; purchasing medical insurance; doctor's physical and - my favorite - VACCINATIONS! Here's a list of some of the delightful diseases I hope to contract while I'm gone.

When I tell people I'm going to India for a month, everyone's reaction is similar: "Why?" Even my stupid ass doctor literally said, "Eww! Why would you wanna go there?" Is he even allowed to say something like that? Maybe he's just pissed cause Indian doctors are smarter than he'll ever be.

I dunno. My thoughts are: how can you understand the rest of the world if you don't experience it? I guess I get it from my aunt. She was a fearless world traveler and always had great stories and photos to share. Russia, Egypt, Israel - just to name a few - she went where her heart took her, each trip adding to her fantastic mosaic of a life. I always admired that about her, and now even more as I get older.

I'm counting on her to be there with me, warding off the chikungunya next month.

2007-12-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

HUMDRUM.

I am so bored right now. This has been the slowest day ever. I've already escaped twice to run random errands and it's not even 3:00 yet. It's crazy how some days I'm so busy that I blink and it's 5:00. And then there are days like today when I've probably visited every site on the vast internet.

I've spent a couple hours trying to find these shoes in my size -->

I bought a pair of these a couple years ago and they are still my favorite shoes on the planet. I wear them at some point every single day. And apparently they no longer make them in my size (9 or 9.5) I am deeply saddened to learn this. I will pay any price for a new pair of Rocket Dog Axles, khaki & brown.

Ate the leftover vegetable soup from Mom's. Was mighty good.

Dang. Still not even 3:00.

2007-12-04T12:23:00.000-05:00

Mmmm... it's soup weather. Normally I am not a big fan of soup. I tend to turn my nose up at anything that isn't chicken broth-based, but recently I've been expanding my horizons.

Yesterday I picked up a bowl of chicken rice soup from the local diner. Last night Mom made a huge pot of this tomatoey-vegetable creation with orzo and little turkey meatballs. It's FANTASTIC but gave me horrendous gas.

I brought some home with the intention of taking it for lunch today, but I didn't want to kill any Bikram classmates with my stinky ass. So I picked up a cup of pasta e fagioli at King's... not realizing that "fagioli" means "beans." This could be equally dangerous, ass-wise. But it's so tasty! And it's warming me to the core on this windy, snowy, freezing Tuesday.

Life's been very good - things have certainly gotten interesting. I'm looking forward to finding out more about what I'll actually be doing in India next month. Everyone has a lot of advice, the main piece being: "Get your shots!" But I just think it will be so cool to experience a culture so different from mine. I've been to Europe several times, but to me it just feels like a prettier, more expensive version of the US.

Work has been getting better. We now have 18 students on the New Horizons roster after a great article was published in the local newspaper. Hopefully it will keep growing. Yesterday I told my boss about India. He said, "so basically you're taking a sabbatical from your sabbatical?" But he was cool with it. Being a Rotarian, he probably felt like he had to let me go.

I hope I can bring my computer with me, although I wonder what sort of wifi they have? Then again, the computer I'm using right now was probably made in India. I'm pretty sure they're miles ahead of us in the technology department. Weird how such a techno-savvy country can still have malaria and cows wandering about.

Anyway, I'm done for now. But I'll leave you with this video in hopes that it might inspire you to learn a musical instrument. May the force be with you.

2007-12-02T11:18:00.001-05:00

KARMA.

Yesterday I found out that I will be spending a month in Goa, India. I applied to be a member of a Rotary International Group Study Exchange team, and am one of four selected to represent North Jersey. I leave January 12th.

I hope I see cows on the beach.

2007-11-30T11:49:00.000-05:00

TWO WORDS: HOT. YOGA.

I've always wanted to be a "yoga person."

Over the years, I've attended a few classes here and there and usually found myself unable to quiet my mind. I was always looking around at other people to see if I was doing the pose wrong, or glancing at the clock - wondering how much longer until I could leave and do all the things I needed to do.

And I never understood how people made yoga their "exercise." For me, if you weren't pounding your body into the ground until you were sweaty and breathless, it wasn't exercise. No sir, none of that pansy-ass lotus shit for me, thanks.

Somehow though, I was intrigued enough to try a class of Bikram yoga and holy shit - I am in love! And I think I know why it's taken me this long to "get" yoga. I think that training for and running a marathon taught me how to focus.

Out there by myself on those 20 mile training runs, I learned the importance of focus; of the communication between mind and body. Getting through miles 18-24 of the marathon - post-wall - wanting nothing more than to lie down in the street... it was all focus. Mind and body.

This is Bikram yoga: 100+ degrees for 90 minutes. 26 poses, 2 times each [26.2].

I sweat in a way I have never sweat before. And although it's the same 26 poses every class, each class presents a new challenge. It's about getting your mind out of wherever it's been, and becoming present in the now.

And sweating.

Now I get it. Now not only can I call myself a Runner, I have also become a Yoga Person.

2007-11-22T11:38:00.000-05:00

THANKFUL.

I've been attending services at a Unitarian Universalist church for the past couple months. I've never been a big fan of organized religion, but I can honestly say that this place is different. So different that I don't even like calling it a "church" because that word puts all sorts of negative vibes in my head. So I'll call it what they do: a Fellowship.

Anyway, last Sunday the minister was talking about how she has started keeping a Gratitude Journal. Each day she jots down something that she is thankful for. What a great idea! Taking a moment each day to reflect on something good. So since it's Thanksgiving, I figure it's a great day to start my own Gratitude Journal. And my first entry will be right here on the ol' blog.

I'm thankful for so many things. I feel blessed to be where I am in this life; to have so many wonderful, loving people to share each day with. I am truly blessed. Today I am most thankful for:

- Waking up in a warm bed in a beautiful home.
- Sharing a serene, foggy sunrise with birds and squirrels - theirs being the only sounds to hear.
- A healthy body, strong enough to run 5 miles, and the invigoration that running brings.
- A hot mug of coffee and the morning paper.
- Sharing the kitchen with the Love of my Life - each making our own culinary contributions for dinner.
- The 2+ hour ride down to HIS parents, during which we can just enjoy being together.
- Spending the afternoon with HIS family, in a house filled with laughter and love.

Happy Thanksgiving! Best wishes to all for a wonderful day. And remember to be thankful... today and every day.

2007-11-20T12:44:00.000-05:00

A FAR CRY FROM THE JERSEY TURNPIKE

Found this on YouTube and had to share! Back in 2005, the Brit and I took a trip to see his family in England. Here we're driving down a "typical" country road in Devon. His brother Paul is doing the driving, and I am making inaudible comments from the back seat.

2007-11-15T15:26:00.000-05:00

TOP 10 MOST EXCITING THINGS GOING ON IN MY LIFE

10. Our New Horizons senior adult music program has been up and running for 3 weeks now. We have 8 people and need about 92 more. If you are over 55 (or know someone who is) we have a spot waiting for you.

9. HE and I are watching "Lost." We just finished season 1 a few nights ago and are going through withdrawal as we wait for our Netflix to show up.

8. The kitties have vanished. I hope they're okay.

7. My hair is falling out.

6. HE won first prize in a raffle drawing the other day. We went to an event last Saturday called "Chow on Main" where for $10, you get to sample fare from about 12 different restaurants on Main Street in our town. First prize was a magnificent gift basket with about $250 worth of gift certificates!

5. I am swimming a bunch at the Y. My skin smells like chlorine, even though I shower twice a day.

4. I went running with a running club for the first time ever a couple weeks ago. It was fun but kicked my ass a little. In a good way.

3. I found out I have a soy milk intolerance. This sucks because I love soy milk. But I guess I love not feeling horribly gassy and disgusting even more.

2. I really can't think of 2 other exciting things going on. So maybe that's exciting in and of itself?

1. Whoa! As I was typing this, a guy from the local newspaper just called and wants to do an article on the New Horizons band! Now THAT's kind of exciting!!

2007-10-19T11:39:00.000-04:00

WORLD'S GREATEST RECIPE

I'm boredboredbored today. Waiting for it to be 12:30 so I can go make a presentation to a local 55+ group about the Old People Band. It's humid and rainy and gross outside and doesn't feel like a New Jersey October. Thanks a lot, Al Gore. Yes, I know Al Gore is not solely responsible for global warming - but I have to blame someone.

I just ate my lunch. I made my favorite sandwich. Here is the recipe...

- 1 Morningstar Farms Garden Vegetable frozen patty
- 2 Kashi Go-Lean frozen waffles (any flavor will do - today I used blueberry)
- 1 slice white American cheese
- Ketchup and pickle relish

Put waffles in toaster and push down toasting lever. While that's going on, microwave veggie burger on a paper plate for one minute. When it's done, flip it over and microwave it an additional 30 seconds. Place cheese slice (unwrapped) on top of veggie burger and microwave for 20 seconds more.

When the waffles are done (and it's best if you cook them until they're crispy) place cooked veggie burger (avec cheese) on a waffle. Squirt a little ketchup and pickle relish on top and add the second waffle as a lid. Cut it in half and enjoy.

Around 300 calories with lots of fiber, protein and tasty goodness. Unfortunately, I ate it before I thought to take a picture of it. So instead, I offer you this portrait, which bears an astonishing likeness to the real thing:

2007-10-18T15:10:00.000-04:00

LET THE FUN BEGIN

I don't post often enough. I usually wait for something really big or funny or exciting to happen in my life and then I figure it's worth posting about. The thing is though, NOTHING really big or funny or exciting ever happens in my life.

Except for the WalMart guy. He was all three.

So in an effort to post more - because I really do like to blog - I will no longer wait for something big or funny or exciting to happen. You will now just get the very bare-bones, mundane, everyday shit.

Here goes. Enjoy.

I was reading the paper this morning and there was an article about some local costume shop gearing up for Halloween. There was a photo of this hip-looking young salesguy with a little girl wearing a cowboy hat and the little girl's Mom. It was not a very interesting article by any means, but what captured my attention was the hip-looking young salesguy's name in the photo's caption: "Logan Gray."

What a great name!! If you go through life with a name like "Logan Gray" you're bound to be cool and successful. Probably start out in some teen magazine and then end up on a soap opera. I think we'll see more of Logan in the near future. Maybe I should stop by the costume shop and see if I can become his agent (though with a name like that, he's bound to already have several agents.)

On an equally unexciting note, one of the ladies here in the office gave me a calander for my wall. It is put out by Turkey Hill ice cream and every month has a mouth-watering recipe on the top, accompanied by a painfully drool-inducing photo. Some days I will stare at the photo for long periods of time and drift into a state of euphoric meditation.

October's recipe is for "Choco-Mocha Cookie Sandwiches." The picture is of these giant homemade chocolate chip cookies sandwiching some lucious coffee ice cream.

Ohmm Mmm.

2007-10-05T15:53:00.000-04:00

BRAWL-MART

Holy shit I am so bored. Today is one of those afore-mentioned days where I am spending the majority of my time waiting for someone else to do something so that I can do what I need to do. Right now I am waiting for this guy in Milwaukee to call. And it sucks.

Last night I walked over to the WalMart to see if they had a book I need for the new book club I joined. They didn't. But since I can always find something I "need" at WalMart, I picked up a bottle of dish detergent.

There were only two registers open and mobs of angry customers were standing around grumbling. I headed to the self-service lanes (which were also jammed up) and was standing in line when all of a sudden, a good ol' fashioned screamin' match done broke out!

This big dope started roughing up this poor little Indian guy. It was very intense and all of the other shoppers just stood there, gawking. It reminded me of the Kitty Genovese story I read about in high school. It's amazing and pretty sad how in a crisis situation, people really don't do a damn thing to help out others who are in distress.

Some people are even insensitive enough to stand there taking pictures with their camera phone.

2007-10-04T13:25:00.000-04:00

WAIT -- WHAT?

I heard this song today while driving - I don't recall putting it into my iPod. It must have come off one of my hundreds of 80's CDs.

God did it ever take me back...

Summer of 1988: On my way into 8th grade. Bad hair, low self-esteem and the height of puberty. I even had the same fringey, acid-washed jean jacket that the guitarist is wearing. Those were the days.

2007-09-28T10:40:00.000-04:00

GETTING NOWHERE - EVEN FASTER.

2007-09-27T13:06:00.000-04:00

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

...you may be asking. Or not. In any case, I have no valid excuse for not blogging other than I

Just. Plain. Suck.

Been flip-flopping at the new job. One day I am insanely busy, things are rolling along and I LOVELOVELOVE it! Then the next day, I sit catatonic at my desk for eight hours and go home and cry because I miss my teaching job so much.

Last Friday was really bad. I contemplated bailing on the next ten months and working as a barista at Starbucks until September. Then HE and I went out for pizza and I felt better about things.

Fucking pizza.

In other news, I've been cutting down on the running mileage a bit now that the mornings are getting darker. I joined the local YMCA and am taking adult swimming lessons. Alright - stop laughing. I never learned how to swim "for real" and so I am learning. Cause I think the next feat might be a triathlon. Someday.

I guess that's about all, sadly. Not too much else to report.

Actually, there was my run-in earlier this week with the Polish mafia. But that's for another day.

2007-09-07T13:06:00.000-04:00

LOOKING FOR CHZBRGRS.

We have a cat.

Okay, maybe not in the traditional sense - she doesn't really live with us or anything. But she's kind of adopted us. One day she was just sitting on our back porch, staring into the screen door. So we fed her a can of tuna. Not surprisingly, she came back the next day. And the next. So we bought some cat food.

"What could we call her?" I asked HIM. We sat and thought for a while, but came up with nothing.

The same day, HE was asked to write a letter of reference on behalf of one of HIS psychologist colleagues who is applying for a new job. When HE asked to whom HE should address the letter, HIS colleague replied, "Nuzhat Iqbal."

"What's a 'nuzhat'?" HE asked.
"It's her name - the woman to whom you're writing," replied HIS colleague.

I think you can figure out where this is going...

Meet Miss NuzKat Hairball:

2007-08-30T15:52:00.000-04:00

JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE NEW JOB

These are the two commercials that they came to shoot a couple weeks ago. They're gonna be aired for the next 13 weeks on cable channels such as Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, TBS, FX, MSNBC and others. The first targets Moms with kids and the second is for the old folks. Enjoy!

2007-08-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

LONG LOST TWIN SISTER-WIVES

One day last year, I was walking down the hall at school and a Mom who was dropping something off for her kid stopped me.

"Oh my God! I have been meaning to tell you this for so long! Do you know you have a twin?" she asked, excitedly.

"I do?" I replied, not wanting in any way to be involved in a conversation with a Mom during my free period. All I'd wanted was to make it to the bathroom unnoticed and slip back into my grotto under the stage.

"Yes! Do you watch Big Love?"

"No, I've never seen it." This was before we had HBO - probably during our Six Feet Under on NetFlix stint.

"You look exactly like one of the characters! Nicki!! The second wife! Oh my God!! My daughters and I say that every single time we see her! If your hair was blonde, you would totally BE her!!" she exclaimed, sounding a lot like a 13 year-old girl herself.

"Huh - I will have to check that out," I said as I slowly backed away and headed towards the bathroom.

I wasn't sure what disturbed me more: possibly having a celebrity döppelganger, or the fact that I was a routine topic of discussion for this woman and her children during prime-time television at their house.

Anyway, we ended up renting the first season of Big Love last month and I really love the show. And the other night, HE subscribed us to HBO On Demand and I can get my fix of Season 2 anytime I like. And we don't even need to leave the couch to do so... WOO HOO!

As for me and Nicki? I'll let you be the judge...

SIDENOTE: The photo of me was taken - BY ME - last summer when we were in Maine. It was the middle of the night, on the beach, and we were both drunk beyond repair. It wasn't until a few days later when I uploaded the photos off my camera that we even remembered being there.

2007-08-17T10:00:00.000-04:00

TAGGED BY LISA

JOBS I'VE HELD:
- Ice Cream Scooper
- Bagel Hawker
- Deli Whore
- Knick-Knack Personalizer
- Data Entry Slug (temp job)
- Starbucks Barista
- Music Teacher
- Director of Educational Services :)

MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER & OVER AGAIN:
- Bridget Jones' Diary
- Sixteen Candles
- The Princess Bride
- Goonies
- The Sound of Music

MY GUILTY PLEASURES:
- Ice cream
- Wine
- Daily crossword puzzle
- Long showers

PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
- Rockaway, Wayne, Rockaway (NJ)
- Rochester (NY)
- Rockaway, Haledon, Rockaway, Wharton, Rockaway, Boonton (NJ)

SHOWS I ENJOY:
- Jeopardy!
- The Office
- Rick Steves' Europe
- Seinfeld
- The Brady Bunch

VACATION SPOTS:
- ARIZONA
- Anywhere near an ocean
- Europe

FAVORITE FOODS:
- Veggie Heaven
- Mesob
- Ice cream
- Anything containing peanut butter...
- ...or marzipan

WEBSITES I VISIT DAILY:
- My blogging community
- Natalie Dee
- Runners World forums

BODY PARTS I HAVE INJURED:
- Uhh.. nothing really major [KNOCKING WOOD!!!]

AWARDS I'VE WON:
- The Betty Kanable Music Scholarship (grad school)
- 2 Geraldine Dodge grants:
-- 1 for $2,500 to spend 14 days in Europe
-- the second proclaiming me a "Dodge Fellow" and allowing me to spend a week in a think-tank in Colorado (both were very cool!)

NICKNAMES I'VE BEEN CALLED:
- Jenny Bean (as a kid, by my Mom)
- Little Pussy Willow (as a kid, by my Dad)
- Zig
- Danz

I HEREBY TAG:
- Kate, Mike (I know he loves being tagged) and TeacherWoman.

2007-08-15T14:35:00.000-04:00

DEAR SAM,

Wal-Mart, I'm sorry
That they are so mean
But they don't know you
Like I do

You take care of me
When my budget is lean
And carry it all
You're my "go-to"

And now you reside
Within walking distance
Of my new abode
And I'll say

It's a comfort to know
That you're there for me
So I'll visit you
Three times a day

2007-08-13T11:29:00.000-04:00

DA CRIB

As promised, here are some pics of the new abode. It's hard to really capture how great the place is with a camera and an iPhone, but we did the best we could. If you click on each photo, you can see it in better detail.

So without further ado...

The kitchen - it's rectangular with a little breakfast nook at one end:

The dining room, complete with my grandmother's antique china closet:

The living room and HIS gloriously lush furniture & HUGE TV:

Guest bedroom - currently inhabited by our hamster, Claire:

Quite possibly my favorite room.. the office:

"The Love Den" (where the magic takes place):

My very own "Girly Bathroom" (HE has HIS own and there is also a 1/2 bathroom on the first floor):

Perhaps the greatest feature -- laundry room on bedroom level:

Our own garden paradise, complete with squirrels, gophers and feral cats:

If I haven't mentioned in a while, LIFE IS GOOD!

2007-08-11T10:07:00.000-04:00

REASON #267 TO KEEP RUNNING

(Thanks, Lisa!!)

2007-08-09T13:56:00.000-04:00

SETTLED IN

Whew! We're all moved in and set up and the new digs are FUCKING GRRRRRRREAT!!!! It's such an amazing place and I am so happy and HE is so great to live with and life is just FUCKING GRRRRRRRREAT!!!!!

This weekend I'll take some pictures of the place and post them up. Just promise you won't zoom in on the entrances and plan your burglary (did you know that's why you're not allowed to take pictures in a museum or in Lincoln Center?)

The job is also going really well. Got my own office now and a company credit card (don't worry, I won't abuse it - I'm not like that) and even got my very own Palm Treo.

Granted, it's no iPhone. And frankly, I didn't even really want it cause I was a litle afraid of learning it. But now I really dig it and use it quite often. It makes me feel important. But I won't wear it in a holster on my belt (even if I wore belts) because I'm not a frigging dork.

Now you know how I feel about people who wear cell phone holsters. They = Dorks.

What else? My running is kind of sucking right now. I think it's because last week was so exhausting with moving and then unpacking and lifting and all that. We had like 4 16-hour workdays in a row. The weather has been unbearably humid - even at 6 AM. I've done a couple 4-5 milers but they've sucked, and I skipped my weekend long run all together.

Ah well. I guess even I am allowed to ease up every now and then. I just have to remember that and to cut myself some slack. And if it comes down to the Rochester 1/2 next month and I don't feel prepared to do it, it won't be the end of the world. So that's my perspective.

And that's about all for today.

2007-07-27T14:36:00.001-04:00

LOTS OF OLD-MAN BALLS

So what sucks about this job is that sometimes [read: often] I have to wait for someone else to do something before I can do what I need to do. Right now, for instance, I am waiting for the printer to drop off 200 brochures that our graphic designer made up so I can finish compiling 105 goodie bags for a golf outing.

No, I'm not joking.

Actually, it was an idea I got while looking through the 55+ section of the newspaper a couple weeks ago. I was scouting out the local senior citizen scene to try and see where I might begin my recruiting efforts for our New Horizons band. I came across an ad for an old-people golf outing being held in the next town over.

Being the avid [read: disturbingly fanatic] golfer that my boss is, he just happened to have 300+ golf balls lying around. So I bagged up the aforementioned goodie bags - each with 3 balls, 4 tees and a ball marker. The brochure I'm waiting for is for our New Horizons program, and one will be stapled - along with my newly minted business card - to each bag.

Essentially, over 100 old men will have my contact information. I have not yet decided how I feel about this.

Thankfully, it's my last project until I return to work on August 6th. HE and I both took next week off to move into our new abode. I am SO looking forward to... well, not the move itself. But definitely to living in a great new place with the greatest guy I've ever met.

I just hope HE doesn't mind the 100+ old men that I'll be inviting over for dinner.

2007-07-25T12:37:00.000-04:00

STILL HERE

Just figured I'd check in, it's been a while. Things are chugging along here at the new job. Some days I am busier than others, but for the most part I am enjoying it. Went out with my boss the other day to pick out some office furniture and am waiting for the arrival of my Palm Treo (yes HONEY, I know it's no iPhone ;)

Been running a bunch in the mornings and have registered to run the Rochester, NY 1/2 marathon in September. I did it back in 2005 and enjoyed being back in my grad school stomping ground. So I am looking forward to that and have been following Hal's Intermediate level training program.

This one has me doing speedwork once a week (so I guess that crazy bitch from the 5K got to me after all.) I do it down at this lake near my house. There's a paved path around the lake that's .74 miles/lap. I figure this is about 1200m around, so I've been doing 600's instead of 400's -- about halfway around at a very rapid pace and then slowing for the remaining half-lap.

Know what? Speedwork is HARD! Even though I am only doing like 3 miles of it per week (and have really only done it twice), it kicks my ass in a new and different way. We shall see if I can have that sub-2:00 1/2 I am dreaming of... *sigh*

In other news, we're moving into our new condo exactly one week from today! Although the act of moving sucks more than just about anything, I am very excited for new beginnings and looking forward to living with HIM in our new place.

Will certainly make an effort to post more often (yeah...right.)

2007-07-18T14:06:00.000-04:00

3 WORDS: INTERNET. AT. WORK.

Finally! My Mac's got itself hooked up wit' da Ethernet strings and I compromise NOTHING! They use PCs here, and since I would rather put toothpicks into my eyeballs than use a PC, I was sans Internet until today. But I won! And now my life is complete.

Life's been good. Things at work are a little slow this week as it is summer and schools are off (as I well know.) I am keeping busy getting my ducks in a row so I can launch a full-scale recruiting assault in September, but until then I am kinda laying low and gathering the forces.

Today I did something very different: I went to a diner for lunch - by myself - ordered a lovely salad, and sat and read a book. It was nice. And while I'm sure that thousands of people around the world do this on a regular basis, it was a very new experience for me.

In other news, I ran what was probably the toughest 5K of my life this past Sunday. The race T-shirt even said "The Toughest 5K in New Jersey" on the back and, while that may not be 100% accurate, at least I'm not the only person who thought it was tough. It was in my own town (which is an extremely hilly lake community) and I thought I'd be prepared for it since I train here. But clearly the guy who picked the route was a twisted sadist.

Needless to say, there was no PR for me. I did, however, place 2nd in my age category (30-39 y/o female) and so I felt really good about that. Hell, I even got a little award plaque! So all was not lost.

Uhh... I had other things I wanted to write about. Every time something funny happens I think, "I should blog about this" and then I forget it. Well, hopefully I can keep more current now that I am amongst the technologically living.

2007-07-13T16:56:00.000-04:00

TGIF

So I’ve made it through the first week of the new job and I must say, things are definitely shaping up.

I gotta admit, at first I was a little overwhelmed by the new environment, and my initial reaction was pretty pessimistic. I think that’s fairly normal when someone is taken out of their comfort zone. But I did a lot of thinking about things Monday night and realized just how lucky I am...

For eight years, I have dreamed of starting my “Old People Band.” I’ve dreamed of doing it on my own terms – possibly even getting paid to do so. I’ve longed to be creative – to not have to follow the same boring schedule day after day, year after year. And now, miraculously, I find myself in that dream situation. How I got here, I’m not quite sure (and I certainly won’t question) but all of a sudden, I am realizing the actual potential here.

And I am loving it!

It’s amazing being able to wake up at a reasonable hour. To be able to fit in a 40 minute run, shower, have breakfast and read the newspaper BEFORE going to work. To walk into a beautiful office where secretaries greet me with relaxed smiles. To sit in a huge office (even if it’s not my own personal office just yet) with my Mac and figure out exactly how I am going to spend my day. I can go to the bathroom. Or out on an errand, or to lunch...

AND I DON’T HAVE TO ASK ANYONE’S PERMISSION!

Today we had two business meetings and people [ADULT people!] listened to my opinions with respect. It was almost as if they thought I had some sort of credibility or something. This is all very new.

I like the people I work with. As I mentioned, Nick is completely ADHD, but I like him. He’s a good businessman and a nice guy. The co-owner Tom is the complete opposite. He’s quiet and shy, but absolutely brilliant. They complement each other well and have been working together for over 30 years.

I feel good about things and I am just gonna make the very best out of the situation. There’s so much potential and I feel like I really am only limited by my own creativity. It’s the dream job.

I think I’ll probably miss the kids. There’s something to be said for working with kids versus adults. I think they keep you young, in a sense. But the beauty is that if I start to miss them enough, I can always decide to do some teaching here – maybe lessons or an ensemble or something.

For now though, I think I will focus on the creation process. Get some programs up and running – get out to the schools and begin spreading the word. After all, the more people I be bringin’ in the door, the more money I be bringin’ home. That is an incentive that was definitely missing from my last job.

2007-07-09T16:45:00.000-04:00

GENESIS 1:1

Wow. This is kinda surreal. I’m writing this at 1:44 PM – right about when I’d normally be [sullenly] gathering my things to go upstairs to the gym to conduct afternoon Band. I’d be faced with 50+ unruly pre-teens, all blowing sour notes and talking incessantly. I’d roll my eyes, count to ten and try desperately to get through the next 42 minutes without committing murder.

Honestly though? I kinda wish I were back there right now.

The morning was busy. I got here around 9 and sat and brainstormed with Nick (my boss) about what I’d work on this summer. Since I don’t yet have an office of my own, I have taken up residence at his conference table. The problem is, he is quite possibly the most ADHD human being on the planet. He talks a mile a minute and his thoughts don’t seem to flow in any logical order. Speaking with him is both exciting and exhausting.

Around 11:45 I asked him when I am supposed to go to lunch. He replied, “whenever you’re hungry” a response – to most normal people – which makes sense. But having spent the past eight years being governed by a bell, this is a foreign concept. So at 11:50 (my lunch time at school) I drove to the health food store and bought a sandwich.

When I got back here, Nick was gone and well – I wasn’t sure where to go or what to do. So I wandered around and poked my head into different areas of the shop. I went up to the lesson studio and talked to the lady whose job I will be incorporating into my own. She scared me a little.

I wandered over to the vending machine. I ate a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels. Then I ate a bag of Famous Amos oatmeal cookies. If this is the way things continue, I’ll be 900 lbs. by the time the summer ends. Now I am back in Nick’s office and I have decided to blog… keep you all on top of my new and exciting life.

Maybe I need not to stress out about it yet. After all, it is only my first day. It’s just strange not having a routine yet. As a teacher, the whole job is a routine. Every day had its order, every month, every year. It ended in June and started up in September. It was both painfully mundane and mindlessly comforting.

But maybe as the days unfold, a routine will reveal itself. That’s human nature after all, right? Systemizing? It’s what we do. It just seems like it might be a little more vague here than it was at school. No one handed me a class schedule this morning that told me what I was teaching, who’d be in the classroom and when I’d be able to have 5 minutes free to take a poop.

Ah well. A change is what I wanted and a change is what I most definitely have gotten. I’ll take it as it comes and see just where it goes. And along the way, I’ll savor being able to eat and poop on MY terms.

2007-07-08T21:38:00.000-04:00

D-DAY

- Anxious tonight.
- Starting the new job tomorrow.
- Wondering what it will be like to drive to a new "work."
- Hoping I don't hate it after a week.
- If I do hate it after a week, maybe it's ME and not the job.
- Hmm.
- Wondering why the fan on my laptop keeps going on.
- Has it always gone on and I've just never noticed?
- And now I can't stop noticing it?
- Maybe I should shut it off before it melts.
- That would really suck.
- I'd bring it back to the Apple store.
- They'd probably hit me with the $300 restocking fee.
- Fuckers.

2007-07-06T15:20:00.000-04:00

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

I don't know why, but I cannot get enough of this site!

2007-07-05T14:01:00.000-04:00

I [HEART] THE INTERNET

2 really cool running aids I've come across thanks to blog friends Lisa and Jeff.

The first is PodRunner - a DJ who puts together 60 minute workout mixes at specific BPM. I used one of these on Monday and had one of the best 5-milers in months!

And today I used GMaps Pedometer to track some routes around the new abode. One of my biggest concerns was figuring out where to run and this totally solved the dilemma.

Thanks, Internet. You're one sweet innovation!

2007-07-04T21:59:00.000-04:00

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE... ME-E-E-E!!

Alright, that was weird. I just launched Safari and this strange layer of gray began sliding down my screen -- as if it were melting. When the grayness reached the bottom, a message popped up (in four different languages) informing me that I needed to restart my computer. WTF?

Anyway, it's been a rainy 4th of July here but a nice one, nonetheless. HE and I had a lazy morning - complete with bagels and Dunkin' Donuts coffee - and then I went home to do some "rooting." I have been rooting through boxes and drawers all over the house, reminiscing a bit and throwing out a whole lot. Between changing jobs and changing residences, I feel like it's a good time to clean house. So I did that and felt semi-productive.

Later in the afternoon, HE and I went on a hike at a place we call Jewish Park [note: it's okay that we make fun of the Jews. I am half a Jew and HE is full-on in Jewness, so technically, we're allowed.] We call it Jewish Park because the main walking trail is paved concrete. And since Jews don't like to sweat unnecessarily (or so HE claims) they come to this park to hike because it's easy. We walked around Jewish Park until it started to rain.

We ended up back at HIS apartment with takeout Chinese and a copy of "Dreamgirls." Okay, I knew Jennifer Hudson was great and the movie won all these awards and stuff. I also knew it was a movie about music. What I did not know was that it is a "musical." As in, a-Broadway-burst-into-song-every-ten-minutes cheesefest.

Uugggghhhhh... I HATE musicals!! I mean, I went through the obligatory Broadway Geek phase in high school and all, but by my 20's, I was well over it. I didn't even like Wicked, and that was with blowing $120 on a ticket. I don't know what it is, but musicals are horrible.

Needless to say, by the time Jamie Foxx and Beyonce were married, HE and I had both had enough. We also made a pact that when and if we get into any fights in the future, we must both burst into song and sing our sides of the argument. We even shook on it. So maybe Dreamgirls wasn't a total loss.

2007-06-25T21:49:00.000-04:00

BRINGING SEXY MAC

Firstly, I should let you all know that this is the inaugural post on MY brand new MacBook Pro 15" 2.4 GHz Intel Core Duo.

Yes bitches, she's ALL MINE.

So school is over. And this is going to be the first summer -- uh, ever? -- that I will not be returning to some form of 'school' in September. And I really don't think it's sunk in yet. Or perhaps I have spent so long getting used to the idea that it has sunk in via osmosis over the past four months and I'm just really okay with it all.

In any case, I feel pretty good these days. I chaperoned the 8th grade trip to Boston again a couple weeks ago and it was a total blast. The kids were great and the other teachers on the trip were a lot of fun. I had my own sweet hotel room again, and rather enjoyed sleeping diagonally across the luxurious, king-sized bed for two nights.

I spent two weeks submerged in iMovie, finishing the end-of-the-year movie and I must say, it really came out great. We showed it to the entire school on the last day and everyone was roaring. It's safe to say I went out on a high note [pun schmun.]

Now I have two weeks until I start the new job. Two long... empty... weeks. I feel a little deflated after being on such a high, I must admit. I really wish I could learn to relax and enjoy free time a little bit more, but I don't think I'm wired that way.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I'm attending an ethics symposium at the high school. All things considered, I find it a little ironic (don'tcha think?) that they're holding an ethics symposium in this school district, but they have really good speakers lined up and it's free to faculty members. Otherwise it's $250 to attend. I'm all about the gratis education.

So there you have it -- the less-than-exciting life of a Turtle, in review. Try not to get blown away.

2007-06-24T11:09:00.000-04:00

HOW TO SURVIVE DRIVING IN NEW JERSEY

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name Newark; it is New-erk
not New-ark. Never go to Newark.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the Turnpike is 85 mph. & on the Parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered wimpy.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.

However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebrities, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be cursed at accordingly.... If you curse back, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments; by noon on Thursday for Friday; and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

2007-06-12T11:18:00.000-04:00

DINERS AND MUD HUTS

Alright, so I REALLY suck as a blogger. I've been very busy rescuing orphans from burning buildings and helping families in third-world nations construct mud huts.

Okay, maybe not. But it sounds a lot better than "I just don't feel like blogging."

Actually, life has been pretty fucking stellar these days! Morning Band has mercifully come to an end and I have been using the extra hour to run. There's something incredible about getting out and running first thing in the morning. No one else is up yet, and I find it really meditative to just be out there with the birds and squirrels and relative silence. It also gives me a chance to wrap my head around what I need to do each day. I really have been feeling much better these past couple weeks.

As Media Club Advisor (read: "Nerd Shepherd") I've been spending most of the schoolday working on the End-Of-The-Year movie in iMovie HD. It's a total blast! I really can't believe I am getting paid for this!

In other news, HE and I found a place to live!! We got a great 3-bedroom condo in a sweet town. We'll be renters, but it's what we decided we wanted to do. Owning a house is a huge hassle and we both agree it's better to make sure we can live together before making such a huge investment. Also, we're not sure just how long we wanna stay here in NJ.

Speaking of NJ - how cool is it that I live within 10 miles of the Raceway gas station where Phil got whacked?! I mean, it's right across the street from the Barnes & Noble that we're at on a regular basis!! Unlike many people, I actually LIKED the last episode of The Sopranos. I think it was great how David Chase kept us in suspense during every scene and ended it with them in a diner. You can't possibly get anymore New Jersey than that!

Besides, in real life things don't always end up neatly and concluded. With this ending, practically everyone was left up in the air -- especially Tony. And in my opinion, that's worse (and more realistic) than knowing your fate. He'll continue to live on the edge. Such is life.

Alrght - enough of that. I'll try to do a better job of posting. It's just that all this mud gets into the keyboard and really gums things up.

2007-06-02T11:26:00.000-04:00

UPS AND DOWNS

This morning I ran in a local 5K. It's a route I run frequently and therefore know every inch of. I'd been looking forward to it for weeks. When I woke up this morning, it was already pretty warm and muggy. I did my normal pre-run routine and got to the registration table in plenty of time.

I hate being early to races because then you have more time to stand around getting nervous. I found a patch of shade and just kind of stood there... getting nervous. I wasn't out to break any world records, that's for sure. But I wanted to do well. My PR for a 5K is 26:55 (although if we wanna get technical, that was a race without a chip so I suppose it could have been a few seconds less than that.)

Over the years, I've definitely improved. I used to always be in the 28:00 range. I guess what would make me really happy would be to break 26:00... even if it were just 25:59. There's something about having that 25.

So anyway, I'm standing there minding my own business when this lady who's stretching beside me says,
"Guess we're all fighting for the shade today, huh?"
"Yeah. It's pretty hot already," I answered.
"Yeah - I hope I don't go down again."
"Huh?"
"Last week I collapsed in the middle of the SoAndSo Classic, see?" She pointed to her nose. There was a scab on it and one on her cheek.
"Ouch! I bet that sucked," I replied.
"Yeah, I really pushed myself. I'm not so good in the heat. Last year I went down in a 5K right at mile 3. I could see the finish line! Not today. I'm taking it easy. Gonna jog it. Not pushing for more than a 24:00."

Great. I should have known she was one of "those people" by her 2% body fat. She proceeded to tell me all about how fast she can run and how she only needs a 4:10 to qualify for Boston because she's 51. Then, the dreaded question:

"How fast do you usually average a 5K?"
"Uhh.. like 25 or 26," I lied.
"Oh good. Maybe I'll just stick by you today then."

Fuuuuuuuck.

"You know, you're young. You could really improve your time with some speedwork," she offered.
"Yeah well, I haven't really been running that long," I lied again.
"Hey, I'm gonna so get some water - I'll be right back!"

When she walked away, I quickly rounded the corner and lost myself in the crowd. She'd totally fucked up my self-esteem and I was pissed. Pissed at myself for not running more or doing speedwork. Pissed at ice cream for being so creamy, sweet, and evil.

As I was running the race, I started letting go of my bad feelings. So what if I am not the world's fastest runner? At least I am not insane enough to push myself to the point of passing out in a race... seemingly on a regular basis! So what if I don't have 2% body fat? Who cares what the clock says anway? I passed younger, fitter people and had a really good race, despite the oppressive heat and hilly course.

When I got to the clock at the end, it said 27:50 (without chips). Although a little deflated, I still felt pretty good. I was out there doing something that not everyone can do, and I did it to the best of my ability.

And now I need to go take a shower and get to a graduation party. A friend of mine from high school just earned her law degree from Fordham and I'll get to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in 13 years. And 13 years ago, I wasn't a runner and was 30 lbs. heavier. So there's hope that my ego may bounce back today after all!

2007-05-26T10:06:00.000-04:00

REMEMBERING WHY I TEACH

One of my sixth-grade students, Maddie, handed me a folded up piece of paper yesterday at the beginning of class.
"Don't read it now, okay?" she asked.
"Okay," I agreed, "I'll read it when I get home today."

* * *

A Thank-you for Ms. D

Band, oh band! It's so much fun!
At period 9 or up with the sun!
We chitter and chatter, but have fun a lot,
And we play every song, whether we like it or not!
And the fact that we play it will just go to show
That, because we like you, how far we will go!
Jazz Band's a blast, I really must say,
And the fact that we have to wake early each day
Doesn't bother me at all, no it doesn't, not me!
If I needed to, I would wake up at three!
I don't know if everyone else shares my view,
They'd might like to sleep another hour or two.
Period 9 Band is awesome as well
And it's all thanks to you that the bands sound so swell
So thank you so much for helping us play,
The instruments we (hopefully) practice every day!
For where is the ship if the captain's not there?
And won't a pilot-less plane soon be in despair?
Where would soccer teams be if the coach had the flu?
Where would our band be, if we didn't have you?

* * *

Priceless.

2007-05-24T21:22:00.001-04:00

IN A WAY BETTER PLACE

Okay so ever since the concert ended, I have felt about 1,000 lbs. lighter. My soul feels good again. I feel relaxed, and at the same time very much alive.

I wish I got stressed like normal people. I used to, but somewhere along the way, my defense mechanisms changed. I used to get anxious and crazy and zoom around like a nut trying to perfect every little detail until the last possible moment. I'd be a ball of adrenalin.

These days, however, when I am under pressure I just shut down. I stop feeling - I go numb. I escape into my head and into weird thoughts and rituals. I guess it's better for my blood pressure, but I'm not sure I like the way I feel. It's a calm, but it's kind of like an "unnatural" calm. I wonder if it has anything to do with running? Maybe I am redirecting the adrenalin?

Anyway, so I feel pretty damn good. The concert went off without a hitch, and I had a wonderful long weekend: first at HIS graduation ceremony in Philly with HIM and HIS family, and then just the two of us headed down the shore. Friday was kind of rainy and cold. We spent most of the day in Ocean City, but drove up to Atlantic City in the evening. We had an amazing dinner at Cuba Libre in the Tropicana, and then spent about 45 minutes trying to find HIS car in the parking garage (damn you, mojitos!)

Back in Ocean City, we woke up Saturday morning to sunshine and decided to rent bicycles for a couple hours. We rode on the boardwalk and through town. We spent the day eating pizza, Boardwalk fries and Kohr Bros. custard. It was the epitome of self-indulgence and it was fucking great!

And this week has just been really good. I'm getting the kids geared up for our annual Memorial Day performance and spending hours working on the "End Of The Year Movie" (being I'm the Media Club Advisor and all.)

Looking forward to tomorrow's Friday Happy Hour - the first with the girls in a long time. I can already taste the margarita.

Mmmm...

2007-05-23T22:57:00.001-04:00

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Jordin Sparks or America Ferrara? You decide.

2007-05-16T17:38:00.000-04:00

BUTTERFLIES

Tonight may very well be my last Spring concert at the middle school level. It's kind of bittersweet. After today's 90-minute dress rehearsal with 80 kids in a 200-degree auditorium, I wanted to run screaming out the front doors and never look back. But now that I'm sitting here waiting for the actual event, I feel a little melancholy.

I went out for my pre-concert run. It's a ritual I have followed for a very long time. Today I ran in a torrential thunderstorm. Two people even pulled over to ask me if I wanted a ride home, but I declined, as running in the rain is an absolutely breathtaking experience. I'm not sure why, but it seems sort of primal... just me against the elements.

Tomorrow we're all going down to Philadelphia to HIS PhD hooding ceremony. HIS whole family is going and I'm so excited and proud of HIM and cannot wait to be there with all of them. Afterwards, HE and I are going to Ocean City for a couple days just to get away and spend some much needed time together.

I feel relaxed now. About to go upstairs and do my hair and whatnot. And about three hours from now, I guess I will kind of be a different person.

Huh.

2007-05-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

YAY!! I GET TO TALK ABOUT ME!!

(Thanks Kate!)

A- Available or Single: Committed to HIM but always my own person.

B- Best Friend: TiVo.. hehe.

C- Cake or Pie: Cake... under a pile of ice cream.

D- Drink of Choice: Unsweetened iced tea with lemon.

E- Essential Items: Sneakers. Gum.

F- Favorite Color: Green.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms: Chocolate Twizzlers.

H- Hometown: SopranoLand.

I- Indulgence: Ice cream.

J- January or February: January - New beginnings. Also, my birthday :)

K- Kids: Should be banned.

L- Life is incomplete without: Coffee and the daily crossword.

M- Marriage Date: Um, I suppose it should be my fiance, right? Oh wait -- you mean the day?

N- Number of Siblings: 2 older brothers who made my childhood a living hell.

O- Oranges or Apples: Apples -- they're just easier.

P- Phobias/Fears: Disfiguring accidents of any sort.

Q- Favorite Quote: "The BRAVE may not live forever, but the CAUTIOUS do not live at all."

R- Reasons to smile: I am alive.

S- Season: Right now, SPRING!

T- Tag Three: Lisa, Mike & The Bard.

U- Unknown Fact About Me: I enjoy washing dishes.

V– Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he shouldn't have made them out of meat.

W- Worst Habits: Overanalyzing.

X– X-rays or Ultrasounds: Must I choose? They're both so much fun!

Y- Your Favorite Foods: Mesob. Oh, and maybe ice cream.

Z- Zodiac: Capricorn.

2007-05-05T16:37:00.000-04:00

BA-DUM BUM.

I think it's safe to say that the guy who designed this chart had a pretty crappy job.

2007-05-03T13:21:00.000-04:00

HORMONES = SUCK.

So I've had a crappy few days. I've been feeling lower than low and it really sucks. I seriously think it's because I went back on the pill two weeks ago. It was a last resort -- the whole "woman visits" have been absent for over a year and my doctor recommended I go back on it to get things rolling again, so to speak.

I wondered if there was a correlation between birth control pills and depression, so naturally I turned to the all-knowing source of all things: The Internet.

And sure enough, there were lots and lots of articles relating the two. Then again, you can find stuff relating to just about anything on The Internet.

*SIGH*

Anyway. Yesterday I took a mental health day. I got up and took a nice long run and then drove to this gigantic mall. I did some shopping and saw what turned out to be a terribly depressing movie. But the day did manage to get my mind off my work-related blues.

Today was better. I went with my principal and vice principal to observe a potential candidate for my job. I'd say she was in her late 20's, and we watched her teach a group of 6th grade clarinet players. About fifteen minutes into the lesson, my principal leans over and whispers,

"I don't know how the hell you do this every day. I think I would go insane."

Voila! So I felt a little justified and maybe not so crazy for getting antsy in my job. Eight years, it's been. And sitting there watching this chick teach made me realize that it's pretty much the same thing in any school I'd wind up in. And I am so ready for a change.

So I do feel better today. Probably because the week is almost over. And Saturday is Cinco de Mayo and I have a reunion to attend. So maybe my depression is 99% work-related after all.

2007-05-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

AUTHENTICITY

Just stumbled across this article and wanted to share it.

It's a little heavy, but it sure did resonate with me.

2007-04-29T17:56:00.000-04:00

CIRCLE OF LIFE

This afternoon I went back to my Alma Mater to hear a senior recital. The featured artist was Christian - the "little brother" of my high school friend, Sandra. I met Chris when he was a pain-in-the-ass, eight year-old brat. When I was in college and Chris was in high school, I used to give him trumpet lessons. Who would have ever thought he'd also go on to become a trumpet-playing, Music Ed. major?

Christian is somewhere in his twenties now. On top of going to school, he works 40 hours a week to support his wife, two year-old son, and second baby that looks as if its about to be born any day now. I can't even fathom that lifestyle, but I certainly hold him in the highest respect for working as hard as he does. He's a good man.

He played an excellent recital - lots of challenging pieces. I don't know when he finds the time to practice, but his tone and endurance were great. I remember back in college - and especially grad school - when I would spend four or five hours a day in a practice room. It seems like it was a different lifetime ago.

Christian studies trumpet with the same professor I did, and I saw him today for the first time in many years. I had an unbelievable crush on "Dr. C" and, in my senior year, learned the crush was mutual. We attempted an awkward relationship for a couple months but nothing significant transpired. It wasn't the real deal -- just two lonely hearts in two very different places in life.

The music building at my old college looked exactly as it had when I was a student ten years ago. Dr. C is still there helping to make music teachers. Christian will graduate and soon find himself standing in front of hundreds of kids, sharing the music... inspiring the future teachers.

And ten years from now, he might very well find himself drinking wine and blogging about the recital he'd just heard.

2007-04-23T12:44:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PUDGE!

Saturday we went to my brother's house for my nephew's first birthday party.

There were cute little kids milling about in the sunshine, eating cupcakes and playing with scooters, sandboxes and teeter-totters. If the maternal instincts were ever going to kick in, it would have been then.

Needless to say, they didn't. But as you can tell, there's not much I wouldn't do for this particular kid and his brother.

2007-04-20T11:47:00.000-04:00

NEW APPROACH

There's a whole lot of turmoil going on in my school building because "The Administration" is moving everyone around to new teaching assignments. The changes wouldn't affect me even if I were staying because, let's face it, no one else would be stupid enough to want to teach the Band. But everyone else is up in arms and lots of tears are being shed. It really kind of blows.

Yesterday, I thought I might try a new approach to my last two months here. Rather than allowing it to continue sucking the life out of me, I decided to just let everything bounce off. I went up and spent time mingling with some of the disgruntled teachers and made it my job to say all the things that they were thinking but - as people concerned about their future employment - afraid to say. It was a good day. It added a bit of levity to a really negative situation.

Last night, HE and I were watching a couple travel programs that TiVo had recorded.

[Sidenote: I love TiVo so much more than I ever would have imagined... especially now that TiVo knows what I like to watch and goes out of his way to tape it for me. I love you, TiVo.]

The first one we watched was GlobeTrekker: California. God, I want to go to California. Not so much the southern part as the north. I wanna go to Big Sur and up to see the giant redwoods. I wanna hang out in Garberville and smoke some weed with the hippies. Most of all, I want NOT to be confined to a boring routine, paying out the ass to live in crappy New Jersey for the rest of my life.

I don't have the big dreams of a fancy wedding, white-picket fence or brood of children. I've never been a big fan of "stuff" -- as a matter of fact, I am probably one of the few women alive who detests shopping. I want to come up with a way to make a living while being able to travel around the world. I want to live simply and authentically. I want to live free.

Is that weird?

2007-04-19T10:17:00.000-04:00

WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE?

Kate's right (thanks, Kate) - what DO I have to lose? I guess I feel bad about being so NOT into school. I really just have to get through the next nine weeks and then I'm home free. But patience is not a virtue that I possess.

You know those people who PUSH right up to the very end? The people who see the finish line and kick up their speed, balls to the wall? That's not me - I fizzle out. I don't know why it is. I'm just having a really hard time staying motivated to be here. When I wake up in the morning and think about the classes that I have to face each day, I get this sinking thud in my stomach. It's just a bad way to be.

In other news, our governor is on his deathbed. On his way to a Don Imus assembly, the SUV he was riding in was involved in an accident. Guvna was travelling 91 MPH and he was not wearing a seatbelt. I have nothing else to say about that.

Parts of our state are still underwater from the weekend's nor'easter. Driving to work the past few days, I see confused but happy ducks swimming in parking lots. "Global warming is a hoax!" -- Um no, not really.

I don't really want to talk about the Virginia Tech thing because I don't really know what to say.

And Sanjaya is gone.

With all that crappiness in the rest of the world, I suppose I should shut the f**k up and appreciate just how easy my simple little life actually is.

2007-04-18T15:18:00.000-04:00

WHAT'S GOING ON...

Alright. So now that it's 99.9% official, I guess I can declare: I will not be a public school music teacher next year. My proposal for a leave of absence has been approved and, for the first time in eight years, I will have a new job.

A 12-month/year job. A job that doesn't require spending 6 daily 42-minute periods trying to corral a group of prepubescent middle schoolers. A job I don't have to be at by 6:45 AM every day - a ridiculous hour that my body has never been able to accept. A job where I can go to the bathroom when I want to, instead of waiting until the 10:17 bell rings.

I am taking a position as "Director of Education" at a retail music store. I'll be in charge of managing and increasing their lesson studio; organizing professional development workshops for public school teachers; and developing new community music programs for kids and adults of all ages. It's a position that has never before existed. But the owners of the store bought a new 16,000 sq. ft. facility last year and it is absolutely AMAZING.

And I am so ready for a change.

But at the same time, I am scared to death on so many levels.

I'm lucky that the Board of Ed. has approved my leave. That way if things don't work out, my current job will still be there in a year. But I so desperately want for things to work out. If they don't, I cannot imagine having to return to the same ol' rut and routine. I guess I am most scared of that. I want so badly for the new job to be all that I dream it will - and I just don't want to be disappointed.

So for the past few weeks I have been feeling as if I'm in limbo - counting down the days until my life changes. And I have felt numb and angry and tired and sad. I've been seeing a really cool therapist who is great to talk to. Every week as I'm driving there I think, "What will I say to him today?" And every week without fail, I develop verbal diarrhea as soon as I sit down in his office. And it feels so good to just unload.

That's where I am. And why I think I need to blog more. It feels good to vent - clears the mind a little when I have to actually write out all that I am feeling.

I feel better already.

2007-04-17T22:30:00.000-04:00

NUMB.

I need to blog more.

Except that right now I feel like my world - as I know it - is about to collapse.

But not for another two months.

So in the meanwhile, my brain is spinning out of control with all the things I should be doing.

And at the same time, I am paralyzed into numbness and I end up doing nothing.

I really need to blog more.

2007-04-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

CREEEEEPY....

My friend PMcQ visited Savannah, GA over spring break and went on a haunted pub crawl. She got lots of photos with orbs in them, the best being this one:

I zoomed in on one of the brightest and swear to God I see an image in it:

If there's anyone out there who's actually reading this, click on the image to enlarge it and tell me what, if anything, you see. I wanna know if I am indeed crazy.

2007-04-07T18:03:00.000-04:00

HAPPY EASTER!

2007-04-02T07:58:00.000-04:00

FREEDOM OF RELIGION

Last night I played at a Palm Sunday 'concert' as part of a pretty good-sized orchestra. It was at one of those mega-churches, with three large screens surrounding the alter. While the choir sang and the instruments played (complete with nauseating 8th-note rock beat on the drumset) the lyrics were projected on the three screens so the congregation could sing along.

The minister of the church was a young guy with blindingly white teeth, perfect hair and three perfect children. His perfect wife was one of the soloists in the choir. He got up in the beginning of the service to say a prayer and to introduce the music director.

The musical work itself was titled "Jesus: No Other King" and was an arrangement of about eight songs - all related to, as you may have guessed, Jesus. Mainly about how we as human beings just flat out suck. How we should all get down on our knees and PRAISE JESUS every single day, and know we're not worthy and Jesus is THE WAY. There was also a lot of stuff about Jesus' blood.

I don't know. Church. Dogma. It all just makes my fur bristle. It seems so paradoxical to what "spirituality" feels like to me. Okay, so Jesus is the Son of God... but aren't we ALL God's children? Is God really this big, pissed-off man in the clouds, sitting up there smiting the sinners? That doesn't make sense. It didn't make sense when I was a kid in Sunday School and then Confirmation class. And it doesn't make sense now.

I looked out into the congregation and watched the people sing along - wondering if they questioned what it was they were saying. I wondered if anyone was as confused as I was. Then I just decided to sit back and play my trumpet the best that I could, happy to be a part of a peaceful group of people. Happy that I'd be receiving a check at the end of the evening that I could put towards costs of living the life with which I have been blessed.

And I realized it doesn't matter what anyone else believes.

2007-03-25T15:04:00.000-04:00

FUCK YEAH!

Today I ran the More 1/2 Marathon through Central Park. I had kinda been on the fence about doing it for the past few weeks. As I'd mentioned, the chicken pox debacle put a real damper on my training which, in turn, smooshed my motivation and confidence. I've been running fairly regularly, though just between 3-5 miles a few days a week. My longest 'long run' has been about 6 miles... and that was like 3 weeks ago.

Yesterday I went out and ran 4. The sun was shining and I felt great, so last night I'd decided to give it a go. We all met up around 6:15 this morning. There were 7 of us going in - 5 who planned on walking, the other girl, Allison, had trained to run. It was a cold morning but I felt really good.

We got into the city & parked no problem. I headed up to the start with Allison and decided I'd just see how long I could run before I had to walk. And wouldn't you know it? I ran all 13.1 miles! And I felt fucking great! I think I attribute it to mindset: for the first time, I wasn't concerned about my time and didn't psyche myself out. I just rode my feet and took in the amazing energy all around me.

I high-fived kids on the curb and admired the tall buildings. I smiled for cameras and sang along - out loud - with my iPod. I had the best race of my life! And here's the kicker... I ended up doing it in 2:04:18*. Huh!

The people I went with were so much fun. Four of the walking ladies were 'race virgins' and they had a really great time. One got shit on by a pigeon, and one was bitch-slapped by a hostile stranger while on line at Starbucks. It was just a really great day and it reaffirmed my love for running. It's an incredible activity - like nothing in the world - and I consider myself very lucky to be healthy and able enough to do it. And I shall run until I can no longer do so.

* UPDATED CHIP TIME AND NEW P.R. -- WOO HOO!!!

2007-03-21T22:31:00.000-04:00

TURTLE UPDATE

Lots of exciting things are transpiring in my life these days. I've been hesitant to talk about the career end for two reasons: A) I don't want to write anything that could get back to anyone in a position of authority and harm any potential prospects; and B) I am far more superstitious than I care to admit and do not want to jinx anything.

But before we discuss such petty things as my future well-being, let us touch on something vastly more important... tonight's American Idol results.

Okay, I understand the whole San-gina thing now. Apparently I was onto something with the stoner college kids, and it seems as though they have an organization. Not only that, but I hear Howard Stern has his army of listeners backing San-gina too.

Actually, there's something intriguing about watching this kid every week. It's like watching a car accident or something - hideous enough to make you squirm and yet -- you just HAVE TO watch.

So I like Jordin Sparks a lot because she's young and fresh. For a 17 year-old kid, she is absolutely amazing. LaKisha is an amazing singer too, but I don't really "like" her all that much. But my #1 vote for this season goes to Melinda Doolittle. I love her. That's all.

Alright so I've applied for a leave of absence from my job for next year. My Principal approved it, as did the Superintendent. Next, my proposal goes to the Board of Ed. and they make the final call. I hope it's approved. I really feel like I need a change after 8 years, but it would feel really good to know that I had that safety net. Keep your fingers (and toes) crossed for me - more when I know more.

I did my first 5K of the year last Sunday. Actually, it was my first "official" race since the marathon back in October. I did okay for the first one out - 26:55. Not great, but not too bad. I haven't been very rigid in my running these days.

I am planning to do the More 1/2 marathon in NYC on Sunday and had been training pretty good for it up until I got the chicken pox. I figured I wouldn't push my body as it tried to recover so I lost a lot of long runs, along with the desire. So I'll go in on Sunday and do the best I can - even if it means walking a bit. As it is, two of the three other people I'm going with are injured so we may be crawling along together. It's all good.

The thing of it is, I've proven that I can train for and complete 26.2 miles! I kind of feel like I have a different approach to running now. It's as if I used to be a little intimidated by it -- was never quite brave enough to call myself "a runner." Now I can say it and I do so with pride. These days when I run, I have a confidence - I felt it for the first time at the starting line on Sunday. It was Excitement instead of Anxiety.

So yeah, that's what's been going on. Like sand through the hourglass...

2007-03-17T14:26:00.000-04:00

FUTURE HEART-BREAKER

2007-03-16T14:08:00.000-04:00

LUCK O' THE NON-IRISH

Oh hell YES today was indeed a snow day! As we speak, I am preparing a festive offering of 40-spice hummus and grapefruits for the Snow Gods. All hail the Snow Gods!

Last night I went to a tricky tray with some of my work friends. For those of you unfamiliar with what a "tricky tray" is, it's a fundraiser event where people and businesses donate baskets or certificates, and people buy tickets and put them in for the baskets they want. Then someone pulls numbers and whoever's ticket is pulled wins the prize. I guess it's like a Chinese auction? Maybe it's the newer, more PC term.

We've gone to this particular tricky tray for the past five years. It is a fundraiser for the Catholic school that PMcQ's daughter used to attend before she moved her into public school. It's a HUGE event held at a banquet hall and, for $40, you get a full 4-course, sit-down dinner and a sheet of white tickets.

There are five different colored tickets - each color representing a different value of prize. The white-ticket prizes are fairly crappy and overabundant. I think they range from like $25 and under. Next is pink which may go from $25-$50; blue is like $50-$100; red - $100-$500; and then the green-ticket items are worth $500 and up. Prices of colored tickets also vary accordingly.

In addition to my sheet of twenty crappy, white tickets, I also bought ten pink tickets, five blue and two red. The room with the prize baskets was jam-packed with big-haired Italian women all fighting to have a look at the items. Proper tricky tray etiquette requires one to crawl along, perusing the tables and dropping in your tickets. Like at IKEA, everyone is supposed to move in the same direction. Violators are prosecuted with dirty looks.

It was about 150 degrees in there and I lasted all of twelve seconds before I started moving in the opposite direction, reaching in between scowling mounds of Aqua Net to choose my baskets. I didn't even know where I tossed them, just that I wanted to be done so I could find my table and have a glass of wine.

On my way towards the door I realized I had a $10 bill left in my pocket and the green-ticket lady was right there. I figured, "What the hell?" and bought one. I scanned the big-ticket items, made a choice and headed to the bar.

They began pulling tickets and serving dinner at 7:00. As usual, we were a rowdy table and drew lots of angry glares from those around us. They called about 200 white-tickets and 150 pink. Three hours later they got through the blue and red. PMcQ somehow managed to win five times - out of the 500+ people in attendance. She has ridiculous luck. No one else at our table won and we were all getting a little cranky.

They called the ten red-ticket prizes and then got to the five greens. Someone won a flat-screen TV. Someone one a full-length leather coat. Someone won a 4-day pass to Disney. And then they called the final grand prize: an overnight luxury cruise for two around the New York harbor. And then they called MY NUMBER!

All in all, it was a fine evening. And then I got to sleep late today and lay around watching the snow pile up. And I realize that being me isn't such a bad deal after all.